Archives – Page 13

Archives – Page 13
Journal entries dated May 23, 2011 to July 8, 2011
(Posts published 1/29/12 to 6/22/12)

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Post #602: April 10, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 10/14/11)
Contrasting emotions: Some light-hearted events in my piano-lessons business; Struggling with defining my dad as “good” or “bad”


Post #603: April 18, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 10/15/11)
Bridges across time: I get emotional over some everyday events; I discover a former boyfriend has become famous


Post #604: April 23, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 10/16/11)
Collaborative negotiations: I ask Edward to explain his calling my dad “bad” and I tell him that I don’t want to be obligated to always hug him; I’m overwhelmed with so much on my “to do” list

Post #605: April 27, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 10/21/11)
Hitting back – Part 1 of 5: In our therapy session, Edward and I look at how I might handle my overwhelming schedule; We negotiate the hugging issue

Post #606: April 27, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 10/22/11)
Hitting back – Part 2 of 5: We talk about Edward’s reasons for labeling my dad as “bad”

Post #607: April 27, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 10/23/11)
Hitting back – Part 3 of 5: We look at what a conversation between my dad and me might look like




Post #608: April 27, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 10/24/11)
Hitting back – Part 4 of 5: I take up Edward on the option of expressing my anger and frustration with physical movement, which brings up strong feelings of terror


Post #609: April 27, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 10/25/11)
Hitting back – Part 5 of 5: I’m too paralyzed to express my anger and frustration with a racquet


Post #610: April 28, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 12/6/11)
The short path to despair: I’m learning that my dad’s behavior caused me to short-circuit to despair as a child; I’m now learning a better way

Post #611: April 29, 2011 – 9:00pm
(Posted to the blog on 12/7/11)
My poor kitty: In the middle of my frantically getting set-up for my students’ recitals, my cat becomes deathly ill

Post #612: April 29, 2011 – 11:30pm
(Posted to the blog on 12/9/11)
My poor, weak kitty: I have to make some tough choices around the health of my cat

Post #613: April 30, 2011 – 1:00am
(Posted to the blog on 12/12/11)
Some rest for the weary: I get some answers and make some solid decisions concerning my kitty


Post #614: April 30, 2011 – 9:15am
(Posted to the blog on 12/17/11)
Big sigh of relief: I get really good news about my kitty; I’m still scrambling to get prepared for the recital


Post #615: April 30, 2011 – 10:30am
(Posted to the blog on 12/19/11)
Here we go again: The news about my kitty takes a really bad turn; Getting things pulled together for the recital seems an impossible task

Post #616: April 30, 2011 – 5:00pm
(Posted to the blog on 12/21/11)
A bit of calm after the storm: I take my kitty home to recoop (or maybe to die?); Somehow I get everything done for the recital just in the nick of time

Post #617: May 2, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/5/12)
Life and death, grief and joy: The second recital goes much smoother; I have a few moments to catch my breath

Post #618: May 8, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/8/12)
A possible gateway: My kitty seems to be pulling through; A child shows his tender side

Post #619: May 11, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/11/12)
Healthy touch: Pondering what all has brought me to the point of excluding any and all touch from my life

Post #620: May 12, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/14/12)
Pushing boundaries – Part 1 of 4: In our therapy session, I mention that I’m feeling better overall

Post #621: May 12, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/17/12)
Pushing boundaries – Part 2 of 4: Edward and I talk about the purpose of the “racquet” exercise

2011 Teasers_Page_31

Post #622: May 12, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/20/12)
Pushing boundaries – Part 3 of 4: I’m emotionally overwhelmed when Edward suggests incorporating some touch into the racquet exercise

2011 Teasers_Page_32

Post #623: May 12, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/23/12)
Pushing boundaries – Part 4 of 4: We define some boundaries around touch; I get angry when I think I’m wasting our session time with a silly suggestion

Post #624: May 19, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/27/12)
Behavioral reflections: A middle-schooler’s behavior causes my own behavior to mimic my dad’s abusive example

Post #625: May 23, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 1/29/12)
Attempting to thaw – Part 1 of 5: In our therapy session, we review my religious history

2011 Teasers_Page_33

Post #626: May 23, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 2/1/12)
Attempting to thaw – Part 2 of 5: Edward and I discuss what I currently believe concerning spirituality

Post #627: May 23, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 2/4/12)
Attempting to thaw – Part 3 of 5: Edward leads me in recalling the emotions I experienced in response to my dad’s abusive behavior

2011 Teasers_Page_34

Post #628: May 23, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 2/7/12)
Attempting to thaw – Part 4 of 5: Edward’s suggestion to speak my truth to my dad causes me to become paralyzed

2011 Teasers_Page_35

Post #629: May 23, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 2/10/12)
Attempting to thaw – Part 5 of 5: For the second time, I attempt to swing the racquet

Post #630: May 28, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 2/17/12)
Runaway ducks: A community fund-raiser proves to be very entertaining

Post #631: June 4, 2011 – 4:30am
(Posted to the blog on 5/11/12)
A big pile of shit: Once again, I find myself in a strangle-hold of hopelessness

2011 Teasers_Page_36

Post #632: June 4, 2011 – 5:00am
(Posted to the blog on 5/13/12)
A deal with myself: I tell Edward I would like him to help me figure out why I keep sabotaging my efforts to be healthy

Post #633: June 6, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 5/15/12)
A melting iceberg – Part 1 of 5: In our therapy session, we dig into the reasons underlying my self-sabotage

2011 Teasers_Page_37

Post #634: June 6, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 5/17/12)
A melting iceberg – Part 2 of 5: Edward’s questions bring me to express my lack of hope around romantic relationships

Post #635: June 6, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 5/19/12)
A melting iceberg – Part 3 of 5: We figure out that one reason for my defensiveness is that I fear I’m not doing enough, that I’m not healing
fast enough

2011 Teasers_Page_38

Post #636: June 6, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 5/21/12)
A melting iceberg – Part 4 of 5: We dig around for what caused me to start wanting to die at age nine

Post #637: June 6, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 5/23/12)
A melting iceberg – Part 5 of 5: I don’t feel I can allow myself pleasure until I earn it by being perfect; Edward’s reparenting efforts throw me into paralysis

2011 Teasers_Page_39


Post #638: June 6, 2011 at 9:00pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/25/12)
Peeking out from under the covers: Letting Edward know the session hit me hard but I’m getting through the aftermath okay


Post #639: June 8, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 5/27/12)
Anyone willing and able?: Starting my search for a personal fitness trainer


2011 Teasers_Page_40

Post #640: June 10, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 5/29/12)
What I believe about me: Within a matter of hours, I’m able to shift from being hopeless to having some hope and to having compassion for my own human-ness

Post #641: June 17, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 5/31/12)
Pendulum swings: A moment of feeling so good I actually consider the possibility of dating

Post #642: June 20, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/2/12)
In it for the long haul – Part 1: My therapist and I discuss a couple of books I’ve been reading and also his level of concern around the possibility of me committing suicide

Post #643: June 20, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/4/12)
In it for the long haul – Part 2: In the therapy session, we examine why I’m getting triggered by physical exercise

2011 Teasers_Page_41

Post #644: June 20, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/6/12)
In it for the long haul – Part 3: We look at reasons why I avoid physical health, including my reluctance to date

2011 Teasers_Page_42

Post #645: June 20, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/8/12)
In it for the long haul – Part 4: We talk about my dad’s need for his family and about how many sessions it will take before I’ll be ready to use my adult voice with my parents

Post #646: June 20, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/10/12)
Space for new ways: Recognizing our need for space to be less than perfect

2011 Teasers_Page_43

Post #647: July 1, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/12/12)
Things are changing: I’m embracing the space needed for my healing; Pondering why I’m triggered by exercise; I’m getting an acoustic piano for my studio

Post #648: July 2, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/14/12)
A commode like no other: My cousins stir up a lot of humorous comments with their new toilet

Post #649: July 3, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/16/12)
An ache to be embraced: I find myself longing to create a “safe space” with my cousin

2011 Teasers_Page_44

Post #650: July 8, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/18/12)
Men providing shelter – Part 1: In our therapy session, I share my desire to spend time with my cousin and his wife

2011 Teasers_Page_45

Post #651: July 8, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/19/12)
Men providing shelter – Part 2: Edward and I discuss some concerns I might have around establishing emotionally intimate relationships with men in my life

Post #652: July 8, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/20/12)
Men providing shelter – Part 3: Edward and I discuss creating and holding a boundary around
religion; My mom shows emotion

Post #653: July 8, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/21/12)
Men providing shelter – Part 4: I become angry at Edward for pushing me to explain what is behind my grief

2011 Teasers_Page_46

Post #654: July 8, 2011
(Posted to the blog on 6/22/12)
Men providing shelter – Part 5: I start allowing Edward to lead me through the discovery process

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<–Page 12SynopsisPage 14 –>

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