Archives – Page 11

Archives – Page 11
Journal entries dated September 14, 2010 to December 8, 2010
(Posts published 1/28/11 to 5/28/11)

<–Page 10SynopsisPage 12 –>

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Post #502: September 14, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 1/28/11)
Kids and buses: I make the scary decision to quit my supplemental job (school bus driver) so I can teach piano lessons fulltime; I walk into a dangerous domestic situation with one of my bus passengers

Post #503: BUS STORY
(Posted to the blog on 1/29/11)
Serpentines and alarm clocks: Funny stories about learning to drive the school bus

Post #504: September 15, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 1/31/11)
Pity party of the major kind: First attempt at writing about the connection between the absence of acceptance and validation from my dad and my history of promiscuity

Post #505: September 22, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/1/11)
Just checking in: Second attempt at writing about the connection between the absence of acceptance and validation from my dad and my history of promiscuity

Post #506: September 23, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/2/11)
Third time’s gotta be a charm: Third and final attempt at writing about the connection between the absence of acceptance and validation from my dad and my history of promiscuity

Post #507: September 24, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/3/11)
An updated update: I play with the possibility there are good men in the world and that I may, someday, have a romantic relationship in my life

Post #508: September 29, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/4/11)
Giving my body language – Part 1 of 3: In our therapy session, Edward assures me we can talk about the possibility of me having a romantic relationship without the expectation that I will maintain hope around that possibility

Post #509: September 29, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/5/11)
Giving my body language – Part 2 of 3: I get brave enough to “hide” in a corner of Edward’s office



Post #510: September 29, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/7/11)
Giving my body language – Part 3 of 3: I talk about my reasons for, and the shameful consequences of, my history of promiscuity



Post #511: EDITORIAL NOTE
(Posted to the blog on 2/9/11)
No worries: Sorry for not publishing a post, I’m just busy!



Post #512: October 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/10/11)
Drama welcome here: Gratitude for how Edward creates permissive space for the dramatic expression of my emotions

Post #513: MUSIC LESSON
(Posted to the blog on 2/11/11)
Music Lesson: Notes and keys: The relationship between the keys on the keyboard and the notes on the staff

Post #514: October 12, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/12/11)
Human connections: Persistent fear that my awesome relationship with Edward won’t last; Interaction with my spirit guides

Post #515: October 14, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/14/11)
Strange but not uncomfortable: I experience an emotional connection with a parent of one of my students; Overwhelming fear that my relationship with Edward will not last

Post #516: October 15, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/15/11)
Kitty and me: Pain against which I’m powerless shows up in a dream

Post #517: October 16, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/16/11)
Capturing a piece of reality: I decide it is time to capture my rape fantasy in writing

Post #518: POST ROUND-UP
(Posted to the blog on 2/17/11)
Post Round-Up: Trusting our perfect imperfection: Posts that encourage us to use our instinct to guide us along the healing journey

Post #519: October 18, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/18/11)
Giving it words: By writing down and sharing my story, I’m learning how to sooth myself, which is something I didn’t learn as a child

Post #520: October 20, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/19/11)
Throwing off a huge weight – Part 1 of 4: In our therapy session, I ask Edward if it okay for me to share my fantasy with him

Post #521: October 20, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/21/11)
Throwing off a huge weight – Part 2 of 4: As I start reading my fantasy, Edward encourages me to slow down and feel the underlying emotions

Post #522: October 20, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/22/11)
Throwing off a huge weight – Part 3 of 4: Figuring out the parallels between my fantasy and the reality of my own story

Post #523: October 20, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/23/11)
Throwing off a huge weight – Part 4 of 4: I share some of the details that I remember from my molestation

Post #524: READER INPUT
(Posted to the blog on 2/24/11)
Reader Input: Too much information?: With whom would you share the graphic details of your own story?

Post #525: October 22, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 2/25/11)
What now?: I take a break from processing the content of our therapy session in order to spend a day in the mountains

Post #526: EDITORIAL NOTE
(Posted to the blog on 2/28/11)
Bumpy road: Letting the readers know I’m going through a rough time but will return to blogging when I can



Post #527: EDITORIAL NOTE
(Posted to the blog on 3/9/11)
A bit smoother: Letting the readers know I’m doing better and will return to blogging soon



Post #528: EDITORIAL NOTE
(Posted to the blog on 3/28/11)
I’m back!!: Letting the readers know I’m back to blogging


Post #529: October 23, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 3/29/11)
Thoughtful conclusions: I’m horrified with the thought that maybe Edward was aroused when I shared my rape fantasy; I decide to behave as if I know for sure that I was molested

Post #530: October 31, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/7/11)
What happens at the bus barn . . .: I have second thoughts about a guy I had been interested in

Post #531: November 6, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/8/11)
Watching my words: I feel pressure to be the “Christian” one of my clients would like me to be

Post #532: November 7, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/10/11)
Just friends: I struggle with my absence of hope around every having a romantic partner

Post #533: November 10, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/11/11)
Endings and beginnings – Part 1 of 4: In our therapy session, Edward and I look at how the most I can hope for is to not be too much of a burden on people; There were so many rules and secrets in my childhood

Post #534: November 10, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/12/11)
Endings and beginnings – Part 2 of 4: We discuss how there were no limits on who could hit me; The expression of my pain and my emotions was not allowed

Post #535: November 10, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/13/11)
Endings and beginnings – Part 3 of 4: Edwards observed that neither of my parents were interested in interacting with me in a way that honored my own preferences and emotional needs

Post #536: November 10, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/14/11)
Endings and beginnings – Part 4 of 4: We examine how my financial ruin a decade ago is still affecting my current-day life choices; I propose we talk about God in the next session

Post #537: November 12, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/4/11)
Joy and fear and other fun stuff: Reflecting on how Edward is encouraging me to not spend my time and energy trying to be and do enough

Post #538: November 16, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/5/11)
Joyful moments: I create space for some joyful and fun events

Post #539: READER INPUT
(Posted to the blog on 5/6/11)
Reader Input: Honoring coping behavior: How and why am I supposed to give honor to what I did to survive the abuse?


Post #540: November 24, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/8/11)
Spilled milk: My parents could not tolerate my childhood imperfection


Post #541: November 30, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/15/11)
Finally heard: I don’t feel the need to write long emails to Edward because I’m feeling seen and heard in the sessions

Post #542: December 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/16/11)
Where Art Thou? – Part 1 of 5: In our session, Edward tells me that he considers my blog to be private and not his business; We talk about how I benefit from writing the blog

Post #543: December 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/17/11)
Where Art Thou? – Part 2 of 5: I read my letter to God aloud — isn’t it unfair of God to require us to follow laws that are hidden from us?

Post #544: December 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/18/11)
Where Art Thou? – Part 3 of 5: I ask God why I was created and why bad things happen to innocent humans


Post #545: December 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/19/11)
Where Art Thou? – Part 4 of 5: I become very emotional as I recall an experience I had with angels


Post #546: December 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/20/11)
Where Art Thou? – Part 5 of 5: Edward states that he believes it does not serve me well to look for relief from my pain by using logic to figure out the God thing


Post #547: December 2, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/25/11)
Happy holidays – not so much: I’m frustrated by a controlling associate; I think I’m committing passive suicide

Post #548: December 3, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/26/11)
Bah! Humbug!: I am reminded that I’m not one of the “good girls”; My mom wants me to go shopping for a special outfit, which I hate to do because of my weight

Post #549: December 8, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/27/11)
Connecting with people: I ask my mom if I could spend my Christmas money on something that would bring me joy; I’m reminded of how awesome Edward is as a therapist

Post #550: MUSIC LESSON
(Posted to the blog on 5/28/11)
Music Lesson: Letters on the staff: The association between letter names and notes on the staff

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<–Page 10SynopsisPage 12 –>

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