Posted by: Marie | December 25, 2013

(907) All before sunrise – Part 2 of 3

Post #907
[Private journal entry written on Wednesday, August 1, 2012 – continued from previous post]

This morning, I’m scheduled to do the tune-in and tune-out at my conscious business network meeting. The tune-in entails doing a one or two minute exercise that brings the focus of the group in towards the group . . . it quiets our minds and connects our hearts . . .

And then, at the end, the tune-out is another short exercise that completes the interaction among the group members and prepares us to go back out into the world . . .

Some people lead the group in breathing exercises, or stretching exercises . . . or we massage the shoulders of the person standing next to us . . . or the tune-in/out person will read a poem or tell a short inspirational story . . . each person leading the tune-in/out gets to do whatever feels natural to him or her.

Well . . . about six weeks ago, I had coffee with one of the group members at her home. While I was there, she pulled out an autoharp that her late husband had given to her about 15 years ago. She had wanted it so she could play and sing for her hospice patients (she was a nurse back then).

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Photo by Martin Chen

She said she had read books on how to play the instrument but that she could never get any decent sound to come out of it . . . she wanted to know if I could tell her what she was doing wrong . . . when he gave it to her, it was brand new and had never been played . . . so it’s not like it is broken or anything . . .

I picked up the autoharp and strummed a few chords . . . it was horribly out of tune . . .

I asked her how long it had been since she had tuned it . . . she raised her eyebrows in surprise . . . “Tuned it? What do you mean?”

Oh . . . well, that explains a lot.

So, I told her I would take it back to my studio where I would tune it for her. I told her that, on the day I give it back to her, I would give her a lesson on how to play it . . . she thanked me profusely . . .

There are 36 strings on her autoharp . . . and since they had never been tuned, they had never been stretched. Unstretched strings cannot be tuned fully right off the bat . . . you have to stretch them a little at first, and then a little further with each tuning until they reach the correct pitch. Given the age of the instrument and the strings, I wanted to be extra careful with the stretching process . . .

So, I got a feel for how far off, pitch-wise, the strings were and I figured out I should only raise them about 25% of the distance from their current pitch to the assigned pitch with each tuning. Using the electronic wonders of my digital keyboard to create a pitch guide, I tuned all the strings to a full step lower than the assigned pitches on the first round of tuning. Then, a week later, in the next round of tuning, I raised all the pitches ¼ step . . . and each week, I repeated that process until I got them all up to the assigned pitch.

Then, I let the instrument sit for a week. After the week passed, I fine-tuned any strings that had fallen out of pitch during the week . . . and I did the same for the next couple of weeks . . .

Because I’m not that familiar with autoharps (my only exposure is that I had one as a child), I’m not the fastest tuner in the world. I figured out it was taking me about two minutes per string to tune it on the first round of tuning . . . that first round of tuning took me about 90 minutes to do. I got faster as I went along, but even this last round of fine-tuning took me about 30 minutes . . .

All that to say that it was a sizable effort to tune the instrument, maybe six or seven hours total . . . but, I knew it would mean so much to her, so I was happy to do it . . . and, along the way, my students got to try out the instrument . . . they got to hear the progression in the tuning process, how it sounded better and better each week . . . I let some of the older ones tune one or two of the strings so they could see what it is like to try to match up pitches from two different instruments . . .

So, today, at the networking meeting, I’m going to give it back to her. We are going to do the lesson in the meeting room right after the meeting . . .

But, before I give it back to her, I’m going to use it for the tune-in and tune-out. I’ve composed a short progression of chords for each exercise . . . a slow one with more minor chords for the tune-in (for a thoughtful sound), and a quicker one with more major chords for the tune-out (for an upbeat sound). I’m going to invite everyone to close their eyes and simply listen, and to pay attention to the emotions that come up for them as they absorb the music.

So, that will be fun . . .

And, by the way, as I sitting here in my bed, I’m also thinking about the dating thing . . .

On Friday, I was feeling so warm and fuzzy about George possibly being the one who is reading my blog . . . I was reading along with him, imagining what it was like for him to read it . . . feeling so connected with him . . .

Then, I left that note for him in Post #600 . . .

And, of course, he stopped reading before he got to it . . .

He’s probably just busy. But, as soon as I have hope and get excited and reach out for connection, the possibility goes away. It’s happened a thousand times in my life. I’m just done. I’m just so done. I know better than to play with that fantasy . . . I only get burned.

I really wanted to put together a plan for getting done what needs to get done in the next year so I can become a CASA . . . but, my mind is so messed up over the George thing that I can’t stay focused . . . I just sit in front of my computer and stare into space . . . and then I go binge on ice cream . . .

If I could put the romantic stuff out of my mind, then I could focus on the CASA stuff . . . and I think the CASA stuff would be motivating for me . . . while the dating stuff is triggering for me . . . there is no value in thinking about the dating stuff . . .

On a side note, I’m thinking ahead into the future to the day these journal entries get posted on my blog . . .

On the off-chance that George really is my mystery reader . . . and on the off-chance he actually finishes reading my blog . . . and on the off-chance he continues to read my blog in the future . . . he will someday read these journal entries about him . . .

I know it is a long shot, but . . . it seems it might be a very weird experience for him to read about all my obsessive thoughts about him . . .

The bottom line is that it really isn’t about him . . . he’s simply a representation of one more possibility.

It’s not like I even know him . . . I mean, it seems like he’s a decent guy . . . but that doesn’t mean he’s available to me. He could be gay, he could have a girlfriend, maybe he’s engaged, maybe he wants kids, maybe he’s too young for me . . . maybe he’s not really as cool as he seems . . . I don’t know . . . but, it’s really not about him.

He’s just some random guy who is reading my blog . . . some cute guy who spoke kindly and warmly to me for five minutes . . . and that’s reason enough for me to kick off into this fantasy . . . just because he’s showing me some attention . . .

As soon as I realize that it’s a hopeless hope, then I’ll move onto some other cute guy who shows me a little sliver of attention . . .

And that is a waste of my time and energy. I don’t want to do it anymore. It sucks.

[Continued in the next post . . . ]

Quotes 817


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