Posted by: Marie | November 28, 2013

(890) Healing through relationships – Part 1 of 3

Post #890
[Private journal entry written on Friday, July 13, 2012]

In the past couple of days, since I had the coaching session with George, I have been an emotional mess . . . or, well, maybe not a mess . . . I mean, it’s just that I’ve been processing what came up in the coaching session and there is a lot of emotion involved in that processing. So, in order to deal with the intense emotion, I’ve been sleeping a lot . . . and binging . . . big-time binging . . .

I’m not sure why the session hit me so hard . . . George tapped into something on a very deep level . . .

The emotions have been what I would tend to label as “positive” ones . . . but I hesitate to label emotions as “positive” or “negative” because I think all emotions are valuable and beneficial . . . maybe it would be more appropriate to label the emotions that are coming up for me as “enjoyable” . . . I feel like George opened up the possibility of me being able to more consistently and meaningfully affect the students who are struggling with “life” issues . . .

My heart aches to provide support and assistance to kids like Renee . . . I really want to make a difference for them. It feels like George showed me a way I could do that . . . and as a result, I’m crying lots of “happy tears” . . .

(234)

Photo by Martin Chen

Which begs the question . . . if the emotions are “enjoyable”, why am I feeling the need to binge and sleep . . . ??

I think the answer is that I am easily overwhelmed by any strong emotion . . . enjoyable or uncomfortable. I’m still learning to cope with strong emotions of any kind in a healthy way. And, I think significant healing is occurring as a result of the coaching session, and that requires tremendous emotional energy . . . and I need extra rest to recuperate from that.

At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking with it, LOL.

Anyway, today was therapy session day and I decided I wanted to share with Edward the recording of my coaching session with George . . . I packed up my little computer speakers and my digital recorder to be used for that purpose . . .

When Edward came down the stairs to greet me, he said he needed a few minutes to check his mailbox slot and to take his usual before-session bio-break. I told him to take his time as I needed a few minutes to “set up something” . . .

Edward’s office has two rooms . . . we walk through one room that is mostly bookcases to get to the inner sanctuary where we actually do the therapy. He keeps the door between the two rooms open so that the space operates more or less like one big, oddly-shaped room.

Of course, I wanted the speakers and recorder set up in the inner sanctuary room. But, none of the electrical plugs worked . . . I went around the room and tried each of them . . .

So, instead, I plugged the speakers into an outlet in the first room that was very close to the door between the two rooms. The power cord for the speakers is very short, so I had to set them on the floor in the first room, near the doorway, facing towards the inner room.

The cord that connects the recorder to the speakers is of a decent length, but, it was not long enough to reach to the couch where I sit. It was, however, long enough to reach Edward’s chair, which sits right next to that doorway between the two rooms. So, I set the recorder on the arm of his chair.

That placement meant that Edward would have to operate the digital recorder . . . no big deal . . . it’s not like it is too difficult to press “play” and “stop” and adjust the volume as needed . . . he is fully capable of doing that . . .

When he came into the office, I called his attention to the speakers (like he didn’t notice that he had to step over them, LOL), and to the recorder on the arm of his chair . . . and I asked him if he was willing to operate the recorder for me because I had something I wanted to share with him . . .

————–

Edward: Oh, sure, I’d be glad to! However, you could put the speakers over there, closer to the couch . . . (pointing) there’s an outlet right there . . .

Me: Actually, that outlet doesn’t work . . . none of the outlets in this room work . . . I’ve tried all of them . . .

Edward: (Touching his forehead) Oh, that’s right . . .

A few days ago, we had an electrical problem in here and it knocked all the power out in this room . . . they are working on repairing it . . .

The way you have it set up is just fine . . . I’m happy to operate the recorder

Me: I think it will be fine as the speakers are fairly powerful . . . I think we will be able to hear okay.

(We took a few moments to settle into our respective places . . . and then he checked in with me . . . )

Edward: It is so good to see you! How are you?

Me: I’m doing well . . . and you?

Edward: I’m doing well . . . the day has been fairly quiet and calm and that is always enjoyable . . .

Me: It’s nice to have calm days . . .

By the way, there’s something interesting that I’d like to mention before I forget . . .

Edward: Oh, what’s that?

Me: It would have been my dad’s 84th birthday today . . . and today is Friday the 13th, and my dad was born on Friday the 13th . . .

So, anyway . . . no big deal, just thought I’d mention it . . .

Edward: Does that bring up any feelings for you?

Me: No, not really . . . it’s more that’s it’s just an interesting fact . . .

Edward: Okay . . .

Me: So . . . I want to share something with you I have on my digital recorder . . . but I need to tell you the back-story . . .

Edward: Okay!

Me: Do you remember that I asked you about the conscious business networking group that I attend on Wednesday mornings . . . I asked if you might want to attend . . . if you could ethically attend since I’m a member . . . and I asked if you might want to be a guest coach sometime . . .

Do you remember that conversation from about a month ago . . . ??

Edward: Yes! I do remember!

Me: Okay . . . well, we had a guest coach this week . . . and I was the person he coached . . .

The coach’s name is George . . .

————–

I went on to tell him about my impressions of the coach who came in a few weeks ago – Tom – and how my impression of George was much more favorable . . .

I told him about the conversation I had with George after the coaching session about piano lessons . . .

I told Edward that it felt to me that George is emotionally available and that it felt really good to be connected to George on that level . . . and how I believe that Luke is not really emotionally available and how there is a big difference in how the two men “feel” to me energetically . . .

I told Edward how I had chosen to not wear make-up the day of the coaching session despite having a big zit on the side of my face . . . and how I really didn’t think about it much as I was talking to George . . .

And I told him how it seems to me that I was able to stay fully present with George and to show up authentically despite the fact he is really good looking and not in a relationship (so it seems) . . . at least not in a marriage . . .

I went on to explain how I’ve been experiencing strong emotions in the two days since the coaching session . . . that I found it very, very difficult to even functioning in the hours right after the coaching session and even into the next day . . . and that I’ve resorted to heavy-duty binging as a way to deal with it . . .

I then explained that the coaching session was recorded and that I wanted to play the recording for him . . . he said he would be delighted to listen to it . . . I asked him to press the recorder’s “play” button . . . he did . . .

As we were listening to the 20-minute recording, I was emotional . . . tears rose up and filled my eyes several times.

I became especially emotional right before we got to the point where George asks me what comes up for me when I’m working with these kids and I answer that my own story comes up for me and that I don’t want to give up on the kids . . .

Edward stopped the recorder and asked if I needed to take a break from listening, and he asked what was coming up for me. I explained to him that I was anticipating what we would soon hear on the recorder, which would answer his question about what was coming up for me now . . . and I assured him that I didn’t need to take a break . . .

He watched me carefully for a moment, then he turned the recorder back on . . . and he nodded his head when we got to the part of the recording I had been anticipating . . .

Then, we continued listening to the recording all the way to the end without pausing again . . .

[Continued in the next post . . . ]

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