Posted by: Marie | August 17, 2013

(855) The ways in which we show up

Post #855
[Private journal entry written on Monday, May 28, 2012]

Last week, I attended a meeting of the conscious business networking group . . .

The guest coach was Rachael Jayne Groover, who teaches women how to be powerful and feminine. As she was working with one of the coachees, she told the woman something that really hit home for me . . .

She said that we can have all the spiritual awareness in the world . . . that we can grow and mature as spiritual beings, but we don’t really have the full human experience until we learn how to ground ourselves physically and live fully in our bodies. Part of being human is learning how to live in, and express ourselves fully in our physical form.

People are drawn to the full, authentic expression of who we are . . . this is especially true when we are fully expressed in all ways . . . spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Being fully expressed in all those ways can bring us “success” in business, relationships, health . . . in all aspects of our lives . . . because it draws other fully expressed people to us.

For those of us who are women, that means showing up in powerful, feminine way . . . and sometimes, in the business world, that powerful, feminine expression is not honored and appreciated. She encouraged us to show up in that way despite what may or may not always be honored in the business world.

(201)

Photo by Martin Chen

That really hit home for me . . . I think that is what I struggle with . . . while I believe I’m developing very well spiritually, my struggle really is with my ability to show up physically. I think that is where the greatest healing is yet to occur.

On a related note, as we were doing the “tune-in” exercise at the start of the meeting, the exercise leader invited us to pay attention to our bodies . . . what we were feeling on a physical level . . . just noticing, not judging . . .

What I observed is that I believe I must maintain a stiff posture in public because I’m too heavy to be graceful. I feel like I’m a big, waddling buffalo . . . there is no way I can be graceful at this weight. I’m afraid that, if I were to relax . . . if I were to allow my legs to flop open in a more relaxed and comfortable position, I would look sloppy. If I can’t be graceful, then at least I won’t allow myself to be sloppy . . . and that dictates how I hold my body in public . . . that’s why I hold myself so tensely, even when my leg muscles beg to be allowed to relax . . .

—————

This weekend, my kitty ran into one of my storage cupboards when I had it open for a few seconds. I think he thought he was hot stuff, running and hiding like that . . . he likes it in there because he can climb through a hole in the side of the cupboard and get inside the wall, back behind the bathtub.

I tried to get him to come out so I could close the cupboard . . . I keep my stash of toilet paper rolls in there and I really didn’t want to leave him in there because he takes great joy in shredding the rolls . . . he can destroy $12 of toilet paper in ten minutes flat . . .

He refused to come out . . .

So, I used a little reverse psychology on him . . . I shut the door . . . that meant he couldn’t get out if he wanted to . . .

For a minute or two, I let him bang on the door, trying to get out . . . I figured I’d let him get good and ready to come out . . .

Then I opened the door . . . and, yes, he was very ready to come out at that point. Hah!

It made me think of when my dad used reverse psychology to get the pigs we raised to go up the ramp into the truck . . .

Whenever it was time to take one of the pigs to market, my dad would back the pick-up truck up to the pig house and place a ramp from the back of the truck to the door of the house. Then, he would get behind the pig and try to shoo him up the ramp . . . then he would push on the pig’s rump . . . of course, the pig outweighed my dad by as much as double, so that didn’t really work, either . . . the pig would dig in his feet and push himself and my dad back down the ramp . . .

Finally, my dad figured out that, if you get on the ramp and push the pig AWAY from the truck, the pig resists and backs right up the ramp . . . the pig feels good that he got his way . . . and my dad got to feel good about being so smart!

Hah!

—————

Today is Memorial Day, the last day of a three-day holiday weekend . . . I had a few lessons scattered throughout the weekend; but, for the most part, I’ve had a free schedule.

I’ve been working on my blog pretty much non-stop all weekend. After being so affected by it last weekend, I’ve been paying attention to how I’m feeling as I’m working on it this weekend. I’m surprised to find that I’m doing okay with it . . . I’m not getting triggered at all.

I’m not sure why this weekend is different from last weekend . . . maybe going into this weekend with the awareness that it can easily trigger me has made the difference . . . maybe the awareness, in and of itself, allows me to handle it better.

At any rate, it’s nice to make some progress on my blog . . .

—————

I’ve been thinking about James and Cindy this week . . .

They were so kind to reach out to me and invite me out for an evening with their family . . . and, it was sweet of James to tell me that they think of me as family and that they really like me . . .

And, there’s the touching thing with James . . . that’s how he shows affection and how he strengthens our interpersonal connection . . .

I’ve been playing with the idea of reciprocating . . . maybe I could invite them out for a meal . . . but, I can’t entertain people at my house as the only part of the house I have control over is my bedroom . . . and I don’t have a kitchen at my studio . . . I can’t afford to take them all out to dinner . . . so, I’m trying to figure out how I can initiate something social with them . . . just inviting them to my studio for a cup of coffee wouldn’t be any different than what we already do . . . I hope I can think of something . . .

And, I’ve been playing with the idea of reciprocating James’ touching . . . right now, the idea of doing that really freaks me out. But, maybe, at some point, that might be a possibility . . . maybe just a quick touch on his arm . . .

I wonder if my reaching out to touch him might surprise him so much he might fall over in shock . . . LOL!

Maybe it would be okay for me to start touching people more than I do . . . especially men . . . it’s not a bad thing . . . touching can actually be a very good thing . . .

—————

I have some really neat men in my life . . . Edward, James . . . and, of course, Jeff, my student who is a psychiatrist . . .

At his lesson last week, Jeff told me that he thought his daughter was going to be able to come home any day now . . . she has been in the hospital nearly four months . . .

He said that he was in the process of trying to find some extra work to bring a bit of extra money to cover the medical bills . . .

He apologized for being so distracted in the lesson and for not having practiced at all since the last lesson . . . he said that, between almost daily trips to the hospital in Denver, looking for work, and getting the house set up for his daughter’s homecoming, piano has become a much lower priority . . .

He said he was worried that I might be upset about it . . . he told me that he was doing the best he could to keep our relationship going . . . he had decided he would continue showing up for lessons even if he didn’t get to practice because our relationship is important to him and he wants to take care of it the best he can . . .

I assured him that I wouldn’t give him a hard time about it because I recognize that he is going through a really rough time . . . and, I told him that I’m impressed that he has continued to show up at all. It really speaks to his level of commitment . . . and to his overall character . . .

That exchange has reminded me about the men in my life who are committed to the relationships in their lives, who are dependable, and who show up with compassion, caring and kindness in relationships . . .

Jeff is showing up more for his family than he is for me, which is, of course, very appropriate, but the fact he is making a point to keep our relationship alive through all of that . . . that speaks volumes about his character . . . I find that to be impressive.

And, it is evidence of the quality of men I have in my life right now.

Quotes 765


Responses

  1. Living in our bodies is quite a challenge for those of us in western cultures – especially for those of us brought up in protestant Christianity.

    • I agree with that . . . we are taught our bodies are so sinful in nature, something to be controlled and stifled.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: