Posted by: Marie | July 10, 2013

(844) Defining reality – Part 1 of 7

Post #844
[Private journal entry written on Friday, May 11, 2012]

Today was a therapy day . . . my rescheduled session . . .

In the two days since I was too sick to show up to my session, I have really been battling gut crud. It was obviously more than just constipation . . . I was thinking maybe food poisoning . . . but, Edward told me today that the stomach flu has been going around. So, maybe that is what it was.

Edward and I started our conversation with that topic . . .


Me: You know, it’s amazing that, when you’ve been sick and then you start feeling better, how grateful you become for feeling “not sick” . . . I’m not even feeling normal yet, but I’m so grateful that I’m at least functional . . .


Photo by Martin Chen

And, that is true for the emotional illness, as well . . . even though I’m mostly ambivalent about being alive right now, that is still so much better than not being able to get out of bed . . . not being able to find enough energy to take a shower for days at a time . . . and the difference is huge . . . I’m so grateful for that much improvement because it is drastically better than where I was several years ago.

I have all these projects I’ve been wanting to do but I never could . . . I could never feel good enough to get going on them. I’m actually now working on things . . . being creative and catching up on my to-do list . . . I’m doing beyond the bare minimum and it is fun to create space for that – for the creativity, for the writing, for the socializing . . . I have a reasonable level of energy . . . enough to make some progress, and that feels so good after having a lifetime of wishing I could and not being able to.

Edward: Congratulations on doing the healing work that has moved you into that place! Well done!

Me: Thank you . . . and thank you for the huge part you have played in that, as well . . .

Edward: You are very welcome!

Me: (After a pause) So . . . I printed the last three emails I sent to you . . . each one had significant material in it . . . I would like to go over them with you, or at least as much as we can get through today.

Edward: That sounds like an excellent plan to me! How would you like to see that happen?

Me: I think I’d like to read them out loud to you . . . you can stop me whenever you have something to add . . . does that sound like a good way to handle it?

Edward: Absolutely!

Me: Okay . . . so, here’s the first email . . . I sent it to you on May 1st . . .

“Hi, Edward –

“I wanted to pass on a description of a dream I had last night before I forget it . . .

“I was in a big house with all my family (mom, dad, siblings, nieces/nephews, a few cousins), all the sudden I became aware I was pregnant and delivery was imminent. I went into labor and had the baby (a five-minute process with lots of fear of pain but no actual pain). I felt absolutely no connection with or love for the baby, which bothered me a lot because I believed I should feel a connection with the baby. As a result, I fell into a deep depression and cried and cried and cried.

“My family kept trying to help me develop a connection with the baby and to resolve the depression. But, they couldn’t. I didn’t know the cause or the solution, either. I didn’t want to be bothered by them so I kept hiding behind furniture and in corners and under the stairs, but they kept finding me and trying to help me.”

Me: The thought has crossed my mind that this part of the dream . . . the baby . . . might have something to do with my abortion . . .

Edward: That very well could be . . .

(I returned to reading the email out loud . . . )

“Finally, I fled to someplace off the property where they wouldn’t find me. When I found a safe hiding spot near a tree, and sat down, all the sudden I fell into another dimension (like Alice in Wonderland). It was a timeless place with ancient (people? good witches? angels?) set in a cave-in-the-side-of-a-mountain place. One shriveled-up, hunch-shouldered, gnarly, motherly, kind woman introduced herself as my mentor (I didn’t get her name).”

Me: However . . . I think she is the same spirit guide that has shown up in other dreams . . . and sometimes when I’m in a meditative state . . . she looks different than I’ve ever seen her before, but her personality is the same. She didn’t give me her name in this dream, but she has given me the name “Barbara” before.

Edward: It sounds like you believe she is a real entity and not just a persona you created in your dream . . .

Me: Correct . . . I do think she actually exists.

[Editorial note: I know that Edward is pretty open-minded when it comes to the idea of people having relationships with spirit guides – as in, spiritual beings who are not in physical form but can interact with people who are in physical form . . . the reason I know this is because he wrote a book about the very real experience he had with one of his own spirit guides showing up in physical form multiple times and having full-fledged conversations with him. This spiritual guide gave him a number of transformational concepts that he captured in his book. He gave me a copy of the book so I’ve had a chance to thumb through it . . . my experiences are pretty tame compared to what he experienced . . . ]

“She told me not to worry about my problems back in my human form, that those issues were very small when put against the enormous size of timelessness. She assured me that someday I would totally understand what had happened and I would see its purpose and understand that things are unfolding exactly as they should be unfolding. I felt very comforted by her words.

“I asked her how old I was and how much more life I had left. She pulled out a stone tablet (like a tombstone, but it wasn’t used as a tombstone, rather a permanent record of life matters) and showed me my birth date. It was 01/01/01. I asked her which century that was from — she said that it was from a time before centuries were even recognized — it was from the first day of time. She said that not too many people were created on the same day as time was created, but that I was one of those few.”

Me: Oh, yeah . . . I forgot to include in this email that my spirit guide said I was created like 15,000 years ago . . .

Edward: It’s interesting how much detail there was in this dream – and how much of that detail you remembered!

Me: Yes, that is interesting . . . there usually isn’t that much detail in my dreams!

“I looked at the end date, which was in the year 2498. I asked her if that meant I have four or five hundred years of life left. She said that meant I had that many more years of living in the human form, then I would retire to a “forever place” like this cave. I found that very comforting.

“Somehow we got onto the subject of life partners – either I asked or she knew I was wondering. She instructed me to follow her to another room. Against a wall in that room was two manifestations of the same human male – one manifestation was about 35 years old and the other was about 55 years old. He was about 6-8 inches taller than me, medium build, dark curly hair. She told me this was my life partner and that these were a couple of the manifestations I would experience in my human form. I asked her which one would be the one I would run into next. She answered it would be the one of the left – the younger one.

“I asked her for his name. She answered, ‘Dwayne . . .’ and then she gave me a last name, something like Wickham or Rickmeyer.”

Me: By the way, when she said his name, she stressed that it was “Dwayne” with a “w” . . . she made a big deal of that.

(Edward nodded his acknowledgement)

“I walked up to him and gave him a big hug. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt really safe. That is when I woke up.

“Anyway . . . it was a very vivid and comforting dream . . . very interesting!

“- Marie”

Me: The end! At least, the end of this email!

(Edward grinned)

Edward: Would you like to stop here and talk about what you just read?

Me: Sure . . . I don’t really have much more to add, but I suspect you have some input . . .

Edward: Yes, I do . . . if it you are open to hearing it . . .

Me: Of course!

[Continued in the next post . . . ]

Quotes 754


  1. That’s quite a dream. Looks like it is going to be quite a session.

    • It was quite a dream!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: