Posted by: Marie | July 9, 2013

(843) Too much information

Post #843
[Private journal entry written on Thursday, May 10, 2012]

Well, so much for the best laid plans . . .

Yesterday morning, I woke up well before sunrise with significant constipation. I’ve noticed that, in the past few years, I’ve been getting constipated in the days before I start my period. I’ve learned to take a laxative or two during that week as a preventative measure, which helps to keep the constipation from becoming overly painful.

When I woke up in pain, my first thought was that I hadn’t thought to take a laxative this week . . . then I realized that it was a few days too early in my monthly cycle to be worrying about it yet . . . but then I realized that, since my cycle has been keeping a weird schedule in the past year or two as I’m approaching menopause, it is very possible that I am close to starting my period. So, I decided I should take a laxative . . . I took one and crawled back into bed.

(TMI yet?)

I did go back to sleep, but I didn’t sleep well – I tossed and turned. My alarm went off at 7:30 . . . I was feeling worse . . . so, I reset my alarm for 9:00, which would still give me plenty of time to get ready to leave the house at 9:45 for my session with Edward at 10:15. (It takes me 30 minutes to travel from my house to his office.)


Photo by Martin Chen

I got up when my alarm went off at 9:00 and immediately made my way to the john. (Is there anyone who doesn’t head that direction immediately after waking up?) I was hoping that sitting in that location for a while would allow things to “get moving” . . . but, no . . . and the pain was pretty bad . . . but I decided I’d just deal with it and move on with my day because it was obvious things weren’t going to turn loose right then. I’d just have to wait for nature to take its own sweet time . . .

(TMI now??)

I gingerly maneuvered my body into my walk-in closest and picked out an outfit . . . and gingerly peeled off my p.j.’s . . . and bent over to pull on my pants . . . and everything went fuzzy . . . I grabbed the wall and steadied myself . . . phew . . . this must be something more than simple constipation . . .

Yeah . . . I decided I shouldn’t try driving anywhere, even if I could get my clothes put on . . .

So, I took another laxative, crawled back in bed and put a phone call into Edward . . . I got his voicemail . . . I explained what was going on . . . I apologized profusely for canceling at the last minute . . . I explained I had thought I was going to be able to make it to my session until I tried to get dressed . . . I apologized again . . . and again . . .

It is my modus operandi to show up . . . if an appointment is on my calendar, I’ll be there. You can count on it. I never have missed a session . . . I’ve never cancelled a session . . . the few times I’ve ever had to reschedule one, I’ve done so weeks in advance . . . I was horrified that I had to cancel this one at the very last minute . . .

Edward returned my call at about 10:30. By then, I had gotten hit with some pretty painful cramps . . . but I took his phone call . . . and apologized some more. He was so kind and understanding . . . he reminded me to take care of myself, and he asked me to send him, once I was feeling better, an email detailing when I would be available for a rescheduled session.

I spent a good part of the day in bed . . . and, of course, on the john. Around 3pm, the laxatives kicked in big time. By 5pm, I was feeling good enough to go into the studio and teach the two lessons I had scheduled. Before I headed to the studio, I dropped an email to Edward apologizing again . . . and giving him an update on how I was feeling . . . and listing the days and times I was available for a rescheduled session . . .

Edward quickly responded that we could meet on Friday (tomorrow) at 12:30 . . . so, that’s the plan.

I woke up today still feeling pretty rough. Every time I eat a little bit of food, my gut twists up into severe cramps and I end up again sitting on the john. But, I managed to get through the six lessons (30 minutes each) that I had scheduled for today.


And, this evening, I got a phone call from Annette, the mother of the student who has been saying “I love you” to me . . .

Annette thanked me for the email . . . she said she appreciates that I am sensitive enough to the situation to ask the question, she appreciates that I am asking for their input rather than trying to decide on my own, and she appreciates that I recognize they have preferences around how I interact with their daughter . . .

She told me that she is a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA), which is what I’m thinking I would like to become when I reach a solid point in my healing journey . . . it is something I got turned onto when, two years ago during a child molestation case for which I was called for jury duty, I spoke to a lady who is a board member for a local child advocacy organization.

Anyway . . . Annette told me that, because she is a CASA, she is more watchful than most parents of how trusted adults interact with her children . . . and it causes her to be all the more grateful that I care enough to be so careful with her young daughter.

Annette said she talked with her husband about it, and then they spoke to Maci and asked her about her feelings towards me . . . what caused her to feel she loves me . . . Maci said that she likes the way I teach piano and she likes how I am friendly and fun . . .

Annette said that Maci had not said anything that would raise red flags . . . for example, she didn’t say that she wanted to marry me or anything else inappropriate. So, they felt her feelings for me were very normal and healthy and not of any concern. And, she said they had seen nothing in my behavior that caused them to be concerned about my interaction with their daughter.

They want Maci to feel comfortable expressing her affection for people, and if that includes telling people that she loves them, they are okay with that as long as the recipients are comfortable with it.

Annette asked me if I felt comfortable with Maci and me saying “I love you” to each other . . . I told her I was fine with it as long as they were okay with it – and, they are. She did suggest (and I agree) it would be best if I don’t initiate saying that to Maci, but that if Maci says it, I will respond in kind.

I asked about Maci’s habit of hugging me – I assured Annette that I was fine with it if she was . . . Annette said that was fine especially if I let Maci initiate the hugs and only hug her when she hugs me first . . . I told her that sounds good to me.

So, bottom line, she said that they feel her love for me is a healthy thing and that my love for her is a healthy thing, and that they want to encourage the mutual expression of those feelings to the extent to which I am comfortable . . .

And, most noteworthy, she said that they trust me.

How cool!

Quotes 753


  1. Very cool

    • Thanks, Evan!

  2. I love this interaction you had with Maci’s mother…what a great affirmation, and I can only imagine how deeply she must have appreciated the respect and care you showed for her child.

    • Thank you, David . . . I wasn’t sure if I was over-reacting, so it was affirming for her to show a commensurate level of concern in return . . . it let me know I had made a wise choice.

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