Posted by: Marie | April 24, 2013

(837) Alice in Wonderland

Post #837
[Private journal entry written on Tuesday, May 1, 2012]

Last night, I had a very vivid dream . . .

I was in a big house with all my family (mom, dad, siblings, nieces/nephews, a few cousins). All the sudden, I became aware I was pregnant and delivery was imminent. I went into labor and had the baby (a five minute process with lots of fear of pain but no actual pain). I felt absolutely no connection with or love for the baby, which bothered me a lot because I believed I should feel a connection with the baby. As a result, I fell into a deep grief-filled depression and cried and cried and cried.

My family kept trying to help me develop a connection with the baby and to resolve the depression. But, they couldn’t. I didn’t know the cause or the solution, either. I didn’t want to be bothered by them so I kept hiding behind furniture and in corners and under stairs, but they kept finding me and trying to help me.

Photo by Martin Chen

Photo by Martin Chen

I cried out, “Leave me alone! Leave me alone!” But, they wouldn’t.

Finally, I ran out into the backyard and into a very beautiful garden with trees and rose bushes in full bloom and birdbaths and little benches designed for resting and thinking . . . I found a safe hiding spot near a tree and sat down. All of the sudden, I fell backwards into a time/space warp . . . much like Alice in Wonderland did . . . I found myself in some other-worldly dimension . . .

Once I landed (quite gently, by the way), I found myself in this rather dark, closed-in space . . . maybe a cave . . . ?? And, I found myself in the company of a handful of not-so-human beings. They were considerably shorter than I am (which is saying a lot because I am quite short). It was obvious they were the kind of beings who live for hundreds and hundreds of years . . . maybe forever . . .

I’m not sure if they were angels or good witches or what . . . but, they were kind-hearted and gentle-spirited . . . and very wise. They weren’t very “pretty” . . . they were all gnarly and had stooped shoulders . . . wrinkled faces . . . I swear at least one had a huge wart on her nose . . . but I could see the color of their souls was very white . . . very pure and good . . .

I think this place was a “heaven” of sorts . . . although it didn’t fit the traditional vision of heaven put forth by Judeo-Christian teachings, the ambient energy in the place felt safe, warm and welcoming to me – and that is how I hope heaven feels . . .

One lady with waist-length, wispy, grey hair stepped towards me and greeted me warmly. She introduced herself as my mentor. I got the sense that she is a spirit guide who has had regular communication with me throughout my “real” (non-dream) life.

In my dream, she conversed with me . . . sometimes with words and sometimes with emotional impressions . . . the first impression she gave me is that the sadness and grieving I have been experiencing (in my dream and in real life) is part of a temporary state and that the uncomfortable state will pass.

She gave me the impression that there is no need to stress out about the uncomfortable feelings – even if they last the remainder of this lifetime – because this lifetime is simply one quick lifetime in a series of many lifetimes . . . this uncomfortable season is very brief when put against the enormous size of timelessness.

She assured me that someday I would totally understand what had happened and I would see its purpose, and I would understand that things are unfolding exactly as they should be unfolding.

I allowed myself to be comforted by her words . . . and then I moved on to another topic . . . concerning something she had said that piqued my curiosity . . .

“Have I been alive for a long time?”

“You have been around for a very long time.”

She picked up a stone tablet . . . it looked somewhat like a tombstone, but it was obviously not a tombstone. It was similar to the stone tablet on which the ten commandments were recorded in Biblical times . . .

It was a record of when I was born. She showed me the date . . . the month was “01”, the day was “01”, and I think the year was “01”, although I don’t remember actually seeing and reading the year.

She said, “You have been here since the beginning.”

“What century would that have been?”

“It was before centuries were even measured.”

“Can you give me an idea of how many years it has been since I was created?”

“You came into being about 15,000 years ago. Not too many people were created on the same day as time was created, but you are one of those few.”

“What is the date of my ending?”

She showed me a date near the bottom of the stone tablet . . . the year was something like 2498. So, I knew I still had a few hundred years left.

“And then I will be gone?”

“No, that is when you stop going into human form. You’ll continue to exist, but you’ll come here and be with us.”

I stood quietly, thoughtfully . . . I soaked in the sense of calm that surrounded me . . . this place had a sense of forever . . . of being part of a grand, universal purpose and plan. While I had no idea how all the pieces of infinity fit together, I was aware that the beings around me had full understanding.

My mind went back to the house from which I had just traveled . . .

“What about the baby . . . I don’t understand why I don’t have any sense of connection with the baby.”

“It is okay . . . just trust that it is all okay and that your reaction and your emotions are normal and that it will all work out for the best.”

I nodded to indicate my willingness to assimilate her wise words.

Without using my voice, I extended the question: What about a significant partner . . . ??

(I mean, you know . . . I figured I might as well make use of this opportunity and ask something I really wanted to ask! LOL)

She intuitively picked up on my question and piped right up with, “Oh, come over here!”

We rounded a bend in the “heavenly cave” and came upon this guy just standing there . . .

He was maybe 5’10” or 5’11” . . . the top of my head was about level with his shoulder . . . he had a stockier build . . . not really athletic, but not overweight either . . .

He had dark brown, curly hair . . . not very long . . . not a buzz cut . . . but long enough that his natural curls had sufficient opportunity to show their curl. His face was a bit round.

His spirit was rather quiet . . . not shy . . . just not loud . . . gentle . . . kind . . .

He seemed to be aware of us, but he was not interacting with us . . . it was almost like what I was seeing was a hologram being reflected from a “real” version of him located elsewhere.

All of the sudden, I noticed there were actually two manifestations of him visible . . . in one manifestation, he looked like he was about 35 years old. He looked like he was about 50 years old in the other manifestation.

Again, without words, I inquired as to why there were two manifestations of him . . .

“These are two of the ages at which you will be encountering him in your different lifetimes.”

“Which one is the one I’ll be experiencing next?”

She pointed to the younger one on the left, “Oh, this one.”

“What is his name?”

“Dwayne . . . with a ‘w’ . . . definitely with a ‘w’ . . . ”

“And his last name?”

She gave me his last name . . . and I still had it clearly in my mind when I woke up from the dream, but it quickly started to fade. I do remember it was something like “Wickham” or “Rickmeyer”.

I stepped over to where Dwayne stood and hugged him. I felt an instant connection with him – it felt like I had known him forever and ever. I kind of melted into his arms . . . I felt really, really safe . . . peaceful and calm.

I actually woke up while I was in that position – in that hug – with him.

Once I woke up, it took me quite a while to return fully to reality. The dream was so real that it felt like I really did travel to that dimension . . . maybe I really did . . .

The thing with the baby was interesting . . . I wonder how much of that story line comes from my real-life abortion . . . the baby in the dream was a boy, and I’ve always felt like the baby I aborted was a boy, so maybe it is the same baby.

I wonder how much of the “baby” storyline has to do with my recent insights around my “womb space” . . . and the depression I’ve been fighting . . . maybe some of the depression is really grief . . . I don’t know . . . a lot to be sorted out, I guess . . .

It was a comforting dream. I came out of it with a sense of purpose – that’s there’s a bigger plan in place . . . that I don’t need to understand it from my current human perspective because, someday, I’ll be one of the wise ones, talking to other people about their experiences . . .

Quotes 747


  1. Wow. That is quite a dream. And after the last post too.

    • It was a dreamin’ kind of week, lol!

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