Posted by: Marie | April 23, 2013

(836) Gender ambiguity

Post #836
[Private journal entry written on Saturday, April 28, 2012]

Yesterday morning, very early, I sent an email to Edward:

Good morning, Edward!

I just woke up from a dream . . . a gentle one . . . I was in a post office (not sure if I was an employee or a customer) and was having a conversation with an employee (a very effeminate male) about a computer transaction. Then, the conversation turned more personal and I mentioned I was looking for someone for something (I don’t remember for what) and asked if he knew someone who would be a good fit.

He pulled out a business card of a lady and strongly emphasized that she would be a great fit. In fact, he actually had tears in his eyes as he said it — I could see pain there as I got the sense he really wanted an opportunity for her to do whatever it was I was looking for someone to do. I got the sense I could provide an opportunity for this woman to show up in a way she hardly ever has had the opportunity to do.

As soon as I looked at the photo on the card, I could clearly see it was him dressed as a woman. I could see that feminine side of him was crying to come out and be expressed. I wondered if he was wanting to transition fully from male to female, or if he wanted to retain his “public” male expression as well as his “private” female expression so he could retain the dualism of the contrasting expressions.

And that was the end of the dream.

When I woke up, I realized that the guy was representative of me. And, I realized that my being revolted by the idea of having a “womb space” in last week’s business network meeting is related to that.

I also realized that I may have never told you about the ambiguity I have experienced all of my adulthood around my gender identity and sexual preferences — I’m not sure it has ever come up in our conversations.

As I’ve traveled along this healing journey, I’ve often wondered how much of that ambiguity comes from wounding/trauma and how much comes from natural expression — and I’ve often wondered what my gender identity and sexual preferences will look like after significant healing.

So, it seems this could be factored into our conversations around the “womb space” and about body memories.

I’ll see you in a couple of weeks!

– Marie

Today, he responded:

Dear Marie,

Thank you for sharing both your dream and its significance.

I look forward to including issues of gender identity and sexual preference in our future sessions, and to support you in this healing journey.



Quotes 746


  1. That’s quite a dream. I’ll be interested to read the processing if you post it.

    • Thanks for your interest, Evan!

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