Posted by: Marie | April 13, 2013

(832) My unique ways – Part 1 of 2

Post #832
[Private journal entry written on Wednesday, April 18, 2012]

I haven’t done much journaling in the past couple of weeks . . . I’ve been super busy!

During the time Kyle and spent together in my personal training session, he encouraged me to invest in a new heart rate monitoring device. My old one is maybe 15 years old and simply displays the current heart rate. The only way I can get an average heart rate is if I stay on one machine throughout my workout and have the machine capture that signal and calculate my average and maximum. The new devices keep track of all that themselves . . . and they store the historical data for the last handful of workouts.

I guess technology has advanced a bit in the last 15 years, LOL . . .

So . . . I went shopping and bought a really cool one that will warn me if my heart rate goes higher than a certain parameter (one set by me) and also when my heart rate drops below a certain parameter (also set by me). There are fifteen ways to Sunday to manage and organize and display the data . . . it all but does my laundry for me.

Of course, that got me all excited . . . I set up all kinds of spreadsheets around all those really cool functions . . . and I couldn’t wait to try it out at the gym and on a hike . . . it is SO COOL!!!

One day, at the gym, I saw Kyle and told him how much fun I’m having with my new toy . . . he grinned and said, “Yup, I knew that would float your boat! I knew it would motivate you!” He was so right!


My in-studio recitals are schedule for this weekend. I’m getting so much more efficient with preparing for them . . . I have it down to a science. I know exactly where every piece of furniture and every piece of electronic equipment goes . . . I know what needs to be done on Friday evening and on Saturday and on Sunday . . . I have people lined up to help me with the stuff I need help on . . . it is far less stressful to me now that I have a few of them under my belt.


Photo by Martin Chen

The one hiccup that I’m scrambling to fix is that Lisa, the Irish flute/concertina player, who was going to be my guest artist for the two Sunday recitals, backed out a couple of weeks ago. She said she didn’t feel prepared well enough. So, I’m scrambling to find a replacement.

I’ve called every single musician I can think of . . . and I’ve called the people they have suggested . . . and I’ve called the people they have suggested. I have feelers out all over Northern Colorado. I guess it’s not the end of the world if I don’t have a guest artist, but the students will be very disappointed as they were looking forward to hearing the Irish music.

The good news is that Fianna is still going to perform on her Irish harp for my Saturday recital. She is very excited about it . . . very nervous . . . but very excited. She will be awesome!!

For my piece, I’m going to play the hymn, “It is Well with My Soul”. It has been one of my favorite hymns since I was a child. I haven’t found the time to compose a piece, and I haven’t taken the time to prepare a showy piece, so I’m going with something I can play without much preparation . . . I know it so well from playing it all my life that I can play it in my sleep, almost.


And . . . today was therapy session day . . .

I most wanted to share with Edward the experience I had with Kyle. So, I dumped onto my tablet the documents I had prepared a couple of weeks ago for my consultation with Kyle. Once I had arrived at Edward’s office and we had gone through our usual greetings, and once we had gotten settled into our respective seats, I told Edward what all has happened with Kyle since my last session . . .

I told him how, after I bragged to him about having lost nine pounds, Kyle offered suggestions on how to rev up my cardio workout. While his suggestions were unsolicited, they were appreciated . . . but only after I wrestled with my fear around the idea of changing my program so radically.

Edward congratulated me on my ability to work through my fear and resistance, which allowed me to become receptive to Kyle’s input. He acknowledged the courage that required. I acknowledged that, as well!

I continue my update . . . how I found Kyle’s input so valuable that it motivated me to set up a consultation with him sooner than I had originally been thinking . . . and how the consultation had been so validating for me . . . how Kyle was so “tuned into” what was going on with me in general as well as in the moment . . .

I told Edward about the documents I had prepared for my consultation with Kyle. I explained how I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to put so much information into those documents . . . I was concerned Kyle might “glaze over” with that many details. However, I know he believes that our physical health is greatly affected by what is going on in our thoughts and emotions, so I figured that information would help him better help me.

However, the reason I put it into writing – as opposed to giving him a verbal rundown – is so he could read it, which would be faster than me talking . . . and, he could refer back to it later, if he cared to.

I asked Edward if I could share the documents with him. Of course, he said he would like that very much. We decided that I would read the documents out loud.

I started with the document titled “Marie’s Story”. When I got to the part about being sexually assaulted in my late 20’s, Edward interrupted me to ask how I feel now about the assault. I told him that I had been able to process it, for the most part, with Mark and that I feel pretty okay about it now.

I think what bothers me the most now is the collective somatic memories I still have resulting from what happened with my dad and with Jerry . . . I’m pretty sure that some of that somatic memory comes from the sexual assault, as well. I’m still working to rewire my automatic responses to outside stimuli – and that is my biggest challenge in working with Kyle.

When I got to the part about being financially devastated, Edward said he had not known that was part of my story . . . I know I have mentioned it in passing, but I’ve not made a big deal of it because I’ve pretty much processed it and am doing okay with it.

He also expressed surprised about the role my housemates, and their piano, played in getting me headed down the path to becoming a piano teacher . . . I mean, I never intended to be a piano teacher, it just happened . . . and it was one of the most fortunate flukes of my life!

After finishing the “About Marie” document, we moved onto the “Situations that can be ‘triggering’ for me” document. When I finished reading it out loud, Edward requested that I tell him more about the emotions I felt during and after my consultation with Kyle, especially around Kyle’s reaction to the documents’ contents . . .


Me: I felt very heard, understood and supported by him. It seems he is willing to allow me the space to be wherever I am with things. I don’t think he will push me to change faster than I feel ready to change. I think he will place challenges in front of me, but I don’t think he will push me to change or criticize me if I don’t change.

He has repeatedly told me that he is all about creating lifelong habits that support health. He believes it is not beneficial when people make sudden, extreme changes. He is also big on the mind/body/soul connection . . . he believes emotional health and spiritual health supports physical health and visa versa. So, because he believes that, he is encouraging me to also tend to my emotional and spiritual issues.

I believe he will be patient with me, even if my progress is painfully slow. I love having that respect from him – I love that he respects my unique process and that he trusts that I know what is best for me. He is willing to follow my lead.

Edward: Congratulations on creating such a supportive partnership! It sounds like he is going to provide the kind of support you most need and want.

Me: Thank you. Yes, I believe he will.

[Continued in the next post . . . ]

Quotes 742

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: