Posted by: Marie | March 24, 2013

(812) Round four: Me 1 – Viola 2 – Draw 1

Post #812
[Private journal entry written on Saturday, March 10, 2012]

This is so cool . . .

I am feeling incredibly good . . . I’ve been feeling so good that I’m finding it very easy to get stuff done . . . I’m focused, energetic, upbeat . . .

I’ve been working out about every other day. I had been doing a pretty low-key 45-minute routine on the treadmill . . . just enough to get my heart pumping a bit, but nothing that would be triggering for me.

I had promised myself I would step it up to the next higher level of intensity as soon as my endurance improved enough that my average heart rate for the work-out was below a certain number. I hit that number yesterday . . . and I increased the intensity of my work-out today. It feels good to feel my body getting healthier . . . to feel that the exercise is making a difference.


Photo by Martin Chen

Oh . . . and . . . I’ve lost six pounds since the conversation with the pine tree 17 days ago. I had already lost three pounds in the month before then, so I am now down a total of nine pounds. Whoo-hoo!

When I was at the gym yesterday, I saw Kyle, the guy I’m hoping to hire as my personal trainer. When I finished my work-out, I could see he was busy with a client and I didn’t want to interrupt him. So, I wrote him a little note bragging that I have lost nine pounds and how my lower heart rate is a sure sign my endurance is building . . . I slipped it in his hand, gave him a quick wave and headed out the door . . . I figured he could read it when he got a chance.

When I came into the gym today, Kyle came over to me and congratulated me on the progress . . . he seemed genuinely excited for me. I really appreciate his support!

And, today, I had a lesson with James, the cop. I’ve always been very sensitive to the fact he might not really want to hear the gory details of my healing journey. I’ve shared some stuff with him, but I am very careful to not take advantage of the fact he is essentially a “captive audience” when he comes for lessons . . . as soon as I see any sign I might be pushing the limits, I back off.

But, today, when he asked me how I was doing, I told him I was doing incredibly well. That’s all I was going to say, but James asked if I was willing/interested in sharing more about that . . . he really wanted to hear some of the details!

So, I told him a bit about the interaction I’ve had with Luke, including the invitation to his house . . . I told him about the hike and losing weight . . . I told him about the conversation with the pine tree and how that has dramatically shifted my emotional baseline . . .

James showed a lot of interest . . . he kept asking questions . . . so I ended up telling him quite a bit. Towards the end of our conversation, he told me that he is really proud of me and he is very glad I’m feeling good . . . he said if anyone deserves to feel good, it is me. I thanked him for his kind words . . .

It was so neat to have that conversation with him . . . he’s another of my cheerleaders . . . I cherish that about him!

Anyway . . . I’ve mapped out how much I could lose in the two weeks before Luke’s party if I continue losing weight at my current rate . . . if I keep working my butt off (literally), I should be able to lose at least 0.4 pounds a day – which means I could lose another five pounds by the party. That would be frickin’ awesome. I know I can stick with that plan for two weeks.

I know that is not enough weight loss to make me physically attractive, but at least I’ll feel less like a slob.

In the past, I’ve had times when I’ve focused on the results of my weight loss efforts . . . and, whenever I’ve focused on the numbers rather on being healthy and on taking care of myself in a nurturing way, it has always ended badly . . . I end up getting triggered by the rigid exercise program, or I feel I need to binge to manage the anxiety, or I don’t lose weight as fast as I had hoped . . . and I end up crashing and burning . . . binging . . . gaining back all the weight and then some within a very short period of time . . .

But, I think I’ll be okay this time around. I’m feeling very strong emotionally . . . stronger than I ever have before. I think the shift that has occurred has been incredibly transformational. Because of that, I believe I can work towards those goals and still feel good about myself . . . I think I can handle the tricks my mind will probably try to play on me . . . I think I can talk myself through tough times and keep myself from getting triggered.

I think I’m gonna really kick butt in the next two weeks!

I am woman, hear me roar!!!! LOL

Did I mention . . . I love feeling this good!?!?!


Oh . . . and . . . yesterday, I finally solved the mystery of the viola’s problematic strings . . .

I was running some errands in City #1 yesterday and stopped by the music store. I knew the strings technician would be working, so I figured it would be a good day to have him look at the viola . . .

When I handed the technician the viola, he looked it over, held it up to the light, turned it over . . . raised one eyebrow and launched us into a very educational exchange:

Are you trying to have a viola or a violin?

Huh??? What do you mean?

Well, this is a student-size viola . . . because it is the same size as a standard violin, some people use it as a violin. I’m just wondering if you are wanting to use it as a violin or a viola . . . ??

I didn’t realize I had a choice.

Oh . . . yeah . . . you do . . .

How do you make it one or the other?

By which strings you put on it . . . you can’t put viola strings on a violin because violins are not built to handle the stress on the bridge and pegs from the heavier strings. But, you can always put violin strings on a student viola . . .

Oh . . . okay . . . so, what type of strings does it have on it now?

Well, you have three violin strings . . . and one viola string . . .

Violin strings . . . ??? (Then, with sudden comprehension) Wait, oh!! OH!!!!! So that’s what’s been going on! Oh my gosh, that explains so much!! That’s why I’ve been having so much trouble trying to tune it!

Let me guess . . . you were trying to tune violin strings to viola string pitches . . . ??

Yeah . . . until I broke one of the strings, which is why that one string was replaced . . . and since I thought it had viola strings on it, I told the guy to replace the broken string with a viola string . . . oh . . . this explains so much!!!

So . . . would you like me to replace the one viola string or the three violin strings?

Well, I’ve already bought a series of viola books and CD’s to teach myself to play . . . I guess it would be cheaper to replace the strings than the books and CD’s . . . and I prefer the timbre of a viola over the that of a violin . . . and the person who owns this instrument indicated she believes it is a viola . . . so, I guess we better go with the viola strings . . .

So, there you go . . . mystery solved! Hah!

Quotes 722


  1. Great to hear such good things were happening for you. Hope that this is still happening, even if some of the elation has passed.

    • Hey, Evan –

      Thank you for the well wishes!

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