Posted by: Marie | October 14, 2012

(727) Expanding circles of support – Part 2 of 4

Post #727
[Private journal entry written on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 about a conversation between my therapist and me – continued from previous post]

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At the close of the conscious business meeting, I had just enough time to talk with a few of the members before I had to head out to Edward’s office for our therapy session. I had to keep my eye on the clock . . . his office is a ten-minute drive from the church, and I only had 30 minutes between the end of the business meeting and the start of our therapy session.

I arrived at Edward’s office with a few minutes to spare. As usual, he met me in the waiting room and we walked up the stairs together to his office. We went through our usual greetings and settled into conversation . . .

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Edward: How are you today?

Me: I’m doing very well. This morning, I went to that business networking meeting I mentioned in my email . . . but, it turns out that it isn’t really a networking group . . . it is about education and authentic relationships.

Edward: Tell me more about that!

(I told him all about how I had introduced myself to the group and all about the “if you had 24 hours to live” exercise . . .)

The Mountain View by Martin Chen

Edward: How does it feel to know you are living your life in the way you would most like to live it?

Me: Well, I’m not living it exactly as I would like to . . .

Edward: (Softly) Of course . . .

Me: But substantially so . . .

When I allow myself to dwell on that fact, I feel centered and focused . . . calm.

Edward: Yes . . . you are doing such a great job of living life well.

Me: Thank you . . .

(After a pause) So, where would you like to start today?

Edward: I’m open to starting with whatever is foremost on your mind.

Me: Pretty much everything that is on my mind is covered in that long email I sent to you.

Edward: Shall we start by looking over your email?

Me: Sure!

Edward: So, I apologize . . . I didn’t carefully read all of your email. I glanced through the part that was labeled “doesn’t need discussion” and spent my time on the part labeled “stuff we can dig into”.

Me: Well, I think I owe you an apology . . . I didn’t mean to write such a long email. I didn’t realize how long it was until I printed it out last night to bring along today. I was shocked at how long it was. I shouldn’t have written so much and expected you to read it. I think I crossed a line there.

Edward: Tell me more about that . . .

Me: I think it was inappropriate for me to send that much information for you to read outside of our session time. It’s kind of like I was trying to do my therapy via email . . . that wasn’t my intention, but that’s how it turned out.

Edward: I didn’t experience your email as an attempt to do therapy outside of our session time. I experienced it as your way of organizing and documenting everything that was running around in your head, and as your way of sharing those thoughts with me so I could be better prepared for our session time.

Me: Okay . . . good. That is what it was. I’m glad you experienced it that way.

Edward: There is no limit on how much and how often you send information to me. I can’t promise that I’ll get a chance to read it all before our session, but I’ll at least scan it all. You are welcome to share as much as you care to share between our sessions.

Me: (Big sigh) Okay. Thank you for that assurance.

Edward: You are welcome!

So, would you like for me to read it or would you like to read it?

Me: It would be faster for you to read it silently to yourself . . . I already know what it says.

Edward: Okay!

(He read it silently, pausing to make a few comments along the way to keep me posted on his progress.)

Edward: Is there anything in the “doesn’t need discussion” part that you would like to cover?

Me: Nope.

Edward: Okay . . . in what order would you like to discuss the “stuff we could dig into” items?

Me: We can cover them in the order they appear in the email.

Edward: Great! Okay . . . I guess that means we start with the game night you attended with the dad of one of your students . . .

Me: (Breaking into a sheepish grin) Yeah . . . that was a fun evening. I’m glad I got brave enough to ask him to go.

Edward: Tell me about the moment you decided to call him . . .

Me: I have been feeling a need to be with people lately. Well, I’ve felt that need for a long time, but I’ve always numbed it with ice cream or alcohol or TV or sleep . . . I just decided that it was time to try something different . . . that’s why I asked Jared to go to the game night with me and that’s why I tried out the conscious business group.

I guess I’m finally ready to start coming out of my seclusion and start interacting with people.

Edward: Congratulations for being so courageous and taking those brave steps!

Me: Thank you . . .

Edward: What made the evening so worthwhile for you?

Me: I was pleasantly surprised by his depth. I really enjoyed his ability to converse about anything . . . he is very well read and it is obvious that he has pondered important matters . . . he is thoughtful, gentle, compassionate . . . he is a great listener . . . he seems to be emotionally mature . . . our spiritual paths are similar . . .

The only “negative” I can see is that he has severe short-term memory loss . . . and he is somewhat socially awkward . . . but the awkwardness goes away as you get to know him . . . and I’m not so great with social situations, either . . . and the memory loss is not a problem for me . . . I mean, it’s a huge problem for him, but it doesn’t make him less attractive to me . . . I mean . . . attractive as a person . . . not as a boyfriend . . .

(After a reflective pause) Well . . . not that he isn’t attractive to me . . . I actually am attracted to him . . . physically . . . romantically . . .

In fact, the thought has crossed my mind that this could turn into a dating situation . . . but then that thought freaks me out because I don’t believe that is a possibility with anyone . . . not even Jared.

I’m not ready to go there.

Edward: And you don’t have to.

[Continued in the next post . . . ]


Responses

  1. Well, that’s an interesting development . . . Looking forward to reading about the rest of this session.

    • I had to laugh, Evan, at your comment!!


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