Posted by: Marie | October 3, 2012

(721) Making space for the real me

Post #721
[Private journal entry written on Sunday, November 6, 2011]

So . . . it’s Sunday . . . and I’m still delighting in the memory of last night . . . it was a truly enjoyable evening . . .

And, I’ve been having an email exchange with Edward today:

Dear Marie,

Thank you for the update.

I’m looking forward to our upcoming dialogue in session, and to continuing to chart a meaningful course together.

Warmly,
Edward

—–

Hi, Edward –

I, too, look forward to that conversation . . .

May I provide another little update . . . ??

Last night, I was in a very stuck place . . . didn’t care to binge . . . considered getting drunk but knew that would only cause me to feel worse . . . I decided what I really needed was interaction with people. But, I had no idea how to make that happen.

So, at 7pm last night (when the stuckness and alone-ness got unbearable), I checked out the “meetup.com” scene and found a game night that started at 7:30 in your town. Then, I called up a parent of one of my students – I don’t know him well but have had a few passing conversations with him and found his energy to be engaging and comforting.

I asked if he was busy, he said, “no”, I asked him if he was up to going to the game night with me, he said, “sure!” I told him I was on my way to pick him up. I didn’t get all dolled up (well, I did run a comb through my hair), I just jumped in the car and took off. And, I had a blast. It was one of the best social interactions I’ve ever had.

How about that!?!

– Marie

—–

Dear Marie,

How about that!

Wonderful!

Thanks for the uplifting update.

Warmly,
Edward

———————

So, yes, it was a wonderful evening. I was very much the “real Marie”. I was dressed very casually, I didn’t wear any make-up, I just showed up. And, Jared turned out to be great company.

We got lost trying to find the location of the game night . . . it was at a home in the next big town over. I wasn’t familiar with the neighborhood and I read the map wrong . . . we drove around in circles for about 15 minutes before we found the house.

I had given Jared the map so he could help me navigate, but I made navigating tough for him because I got us into the totally wrong part of town . . . not his fault . . . he just moved here from the east coast so he really had no idea where we were and where we were trying to go.

Photo by Martin Chen

And . . . he explained . . . he was in a terrible car accident when he was 18 and suffered permanent traumatic brain damage. So, his short-term memory has been severely compromised. He said that I could tell him street names but he wouldn’t remember the street names for more than a few seconds. He said the printed map was ideal because he could keep looking at the paper every few seconds.

He told me that his brain injury makes it very difficult to hold down a job . . . he has a college degree in information systems and has had extensive experience and training in computer science . . . but, he can’t retain the day-to-day details needed to hold a job.

So, he has decided to go onto permanent disability so he can focus on being the best dad he can be and so he can contribute to the world in whatever way he can . . . he believes he has so much to give to the world, just not in the traditional sense of holding a job.

Eventually, we did figure out how to get to the game night event. We were only about 40 minutes late . . . not too bad, LOL. We played card games for more than two hours. There were about six other people there . . . all about my age . . . really laid back, relaxed, warm, friendly, interesting people. It was a total blast. Jared was really good at playing cards – much better than me – he had to explain the rules to me . . . LOL.

Once it got past my bedtime, we called it a night and headed back to our town. We had an awesome conversation on the way back . . . and, we then sat in his driveway and talked for another 20 minutes.

I am totally amazed at Jared’s intelligence. I’m betting he operates at a “genius” level. So, maybe his social awkwardness is due to the brain injury and maybe it is from his high intelligence. I guess it doesn’t really matter . . .

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation – he was able to speak articulately on a wide variety of topics. We talked science, politics, religion, the meaning of life, our similar experiences of marriage and divorce . . . and he hinted that he experienced some significant abuse in his childhood, as well. I discovered that we have had many similar experiences and we are traveling similar paths of emotional and spiritual awakening.

I felt so comfortable with him . . . he is so open and authentic. I would really like to spend more time with him. He seems open to that . . . as he was getting ready to exit my car, he said that maybe he could drive us to the next social event . . . if I would be willing to forward the link to the meetup.com group calendar . . .

I told him I would forward the link to him and that I would enjoy having him drive us to the next event.

So . . . we’ll see . . .


Responses

  1. Great to here you had such a good time. I guess it might take a while for it to sink in.

    • It felt really good to feel safe enough to show up that way!

  2. wow, you are much braver than me! glad you had so much fun… made a new friend… and went on a social night with some strangers! you are my role model!!!

    • Thank you, OBD –

      You know . . . its always been easy for me to hang out with strangers . . . it is something I can do easily because I can show up superficially. It is the sustained relationships that create a challenge for me because I believe people will run away if they get to know the real me.

      The part that required bravery was showing up authentically . . .

      Thank you for the kind words!

      – Marie

  3. This is so exciting … and such a wonderful testament to what happens when people take the risk of being authentic. Usually really good stuff starts to percolate. Even if nothing more happened, to have that experience of really being yourself, and being heard and appreciated … it’s huge.

    • Thank you, David –

      Yes, it was a huge step . . . if I would have thought about it much, I don’t think I would have done it. It was one of those “why the hell not” spur-of-the-moment things . . . not really my usual style, LOL!

      Thank you for the encouraging words!

      – Marie


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