Posted by: Marie | July 12, 2012

(667) Dreaming the possible

Post #667
[Private journal entry written on Wednesday, August 17, 2011]

First thing yesterday morning, I sent an email to Edward . . . I usually send one to him exactly one week before my session . . . I sent this one eight days prior to my session . . .

In our last therapy session, Edward told me he was thinking a good topic for us to cover next – unless I had something more urgent to cover – would be about how I might start building healthy relationships with quality men. I guess I’ve been worrying about that impending discussion in the days since that session . . .

Hi, Edward –

So . . . how about a status report a day early!

This morning, in the hour or so before my alarm was set to go off, I had a dream . . .

I was in a therapy session with my therapist – not you – rather, a woman. Apparently, it wasn’t my first session with her as we seemed familiar with each other.

We were talking about relationships of the future and she honed in on dating relationships. She asked me to describe what a healthy dating relationship would look like for me. I shrugged my shoulders and told her I couldn’t imagine that.

About then, other clients started coming into the room – I guess for a group session . . . ?? They started answering her question by describing their own wishes and desires and hopes in dating relationships. They were happy and hopeful. The therapist encouraged me to give it a try.

I tried to think positive thoughts, but I couldn’t. Instead, I was overwhelmed by my lack of hope. She asked me to list what about me men value. I told her they value that I do domestic chores and that they can have sex with me.

“Nothing else?”

“Nope – I’ve never been valued by a man for anything beyond productivity and sex. The men I’ve been around would have been happy with any ole’ warm body – mine or anyone else’s.”

“Isn’t that a bit overly dramatic?”

I shrugged. She frowned.

I saw her reaction and I was no longer able to fight against the hopelessness. I curled up into a ball and went into my own world. I allowed the full extent of my grief to consume me. The weight of the emotion was crushing.

The therapist tried to get me to “straighten up” without success. I stayed curled up in a ball on the floor. Finally, I heard her say, “You shouldn’t be this challenged in here! It’s not that hard of a program!”

She walked over to a nearby office door and knocked on it. A male therapist – apparently her supervisory therapist – came out and they stood over me.

She inquired of him, “I don’t know what to do with her. She is beyond the resources I have available to me. Can you do something with her? Are you even taking clients right now?”

“Well, I could take her, but I really don’t want to deal with her either. Maybe she needs to go into the hospital . . . that might be the best place for her.”

Then, I woke up.

It took several minutes to come out of the dream and remember where I was. And, an hour+ later, I’m still trying to shake off the weight of the emotion.

Phew. I guess I’m apprehensive about what’s coming next in our work together.

I’ll see you next week!

– Marie

Edward ALWAYS responds within a matter of hours. So, I was very surprised when he didn’t respond all day. Day became night, night became day . . . I still hadn’t heard from him as of this afternoon. I got worried about him.

But, I didn’t want to call him and bother him in case he was in session. Instead, I called his office manager. I told her I didn’t need a response to my email, but that I was just concerned about Edward since he wasn’t responding in his usual quick way. I asked her if he was okay.

She told me that she had just talked to him an hour or two earlier. So, as far as she knew, he was fine. I told her it was not necessary for her to bother him with my inquiry . . . all I needed was to know he was okay. Since I knew he was okay, I was happy.

She said that she needed to talk to Edward anyway, so she would mention my concern to him anyway so he could touch base with me if he so chose. I agreed with that plan.

Within an hour, he sent me an email . . .

Dear Marie,

Sorry for the delayed response.

I’ve had a mild cold, and continued to work despite it, but that meant getting behind on my emails.

My goodness: what a dream!

I look forward to offering more compassionate support and a different sort of therapeutic experience than you “dreamed possible”.

And I look forward to our time together on the 24th.


I sent an immediate response:

Hi, Edward –

I wasn’t concerned about the delay, in and of itself . . . I was just worried about you because you always respond so quickly . . . I wanted to know you were okay. I’m glad to hear that you are mostly okay and I hope you feel better very soon!

– Marie

I’m glad he is okay!


  1. Love Edward’s response

    • He has a supportive way with words!

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