Posted by: Marie | January 8, 2012

(618) A possible gateway

Post #618
[Private journal entry written on Sunday, May 8, 2011]

The big news of the week is that, on Tuesday evening, Bogey pooped for the first time since all the drama. I passed along the news to my mom via email and told her, “I’m gonna put that poop into a shadow box and mount it on my wall with a sign that says, ‘This is what a $1,400 poop looks like!'” She responded happily to the news and jokingly told me that she has a coupon for the local framing shop that I could use . . .

I think we might be out of the woods with the cat. Whew!

However, yesterday (Saturday), I was playing “fetch” with him soon after he had eaten a little food and he threw up some of the food. There was no blood and he didn’t act like he felt bad. The amount he threw up was minimal – maybe it was just a result of too much excitement too soon. I’ll have to encourage him to rest more. I still think he is getting better. I don’t think this vomiting is anything serious. He seems fine today.

If it is true that cats have nine lives, I’m sure he is on life number four. He was born a runt in an alley in our little “downtown” area . . . ferral runts usually don’t survive, but he was rescued at a week old and hand-raised by my housemate. Then, my housemate, who is a vet tech, was quite sure he was not strong enough to survive those first few months, even with special care. He was weak, had trouble eating, had trouble walking . . . but, he made it.

And now, everything indicates he should not have survived this medical emergency. But, he did. Alas . . . life number four. I just hope the remaining five “close calls” aren’t as expensive as this one . . . he’s going to have to get a job if that is the case, LOL! At any rate, the least he can do is stay alive for several more years, at least, to make up for his vet bill – he’s got a lot of lovin’ and snugglin’ to do!


I’m still working quite a few hours at the bus barn. At the start of the route, we park the bus in the parking lot of the bus barn and wait for our leave time to roll around. The students who get on at that bus stop can sit on the bus (where it is warm) and wait with us.

Photo by Martin Chen

There is a middle school student who rides most days who has a history of being a “problem student”. Well, this morning, he got on and expressed great distress . . . he had seen a squirrel in the gutter a couple of blocks away from the bus barn that had obviously been hit by a car. The squirrel was still alive but paralyzed . . . he was flopping and struggling . . . and it was really bothering this student. He begged me to do something about it.

I’m such a softy – I can’t stand to see living creatures suffer – so, of course, I got on the phone and called the fire station on that same block and asked them to walk across the street and put the squirrel out of its misery. Then, I left a message for animal control and asked them to do the same. Then, I promised I would check on the squirrel as soon as we got back to the bus barn, after the route.

That seemed to satisfy him . . . he was still worrying, but he seemed relieved that something would be done soon.

A little over an hour later, we drove by that spot on the way back to the bus barn and I noticed the squirrel was gone. That was good – and I made sure to report that to the student when we picked him up in the afternoon.

I’m glad to see he has such a tender heart . . . maybe his tender heart will lead him into a better mode of behavior as he gets older and gains independence from the difficult family life he currently has. I hope so. I hope that tenderness doesn’t turn into hardness and bitterness.


My sister flew in from the west coast last night and I picked her up from the Denver airport. While we were in Denver, we stopped at a restaurant and had dinner, just the two of us. It was good to spend some one-on-one time with her.

I still don’t feel I can really open up to her . . . I can tell her some things, but I feel like I can’t tell her the big stuff – I think she will judge me and do the thing our family members do when an uncomfortable topic comes up and they don’t agree with what I’m saying – they go silent and then change the subject. I think they think it means they agree with me if they encourage me to share something with which they don’t agree.

So, our conversation was still pretty “sisterly” despite the fact I can’t open up completely to her – and that was nice.

Today is Mother’s Day and we had dinner at my mom’s house. Of course, my sister was there because she is staying with my mom. My brother and his girlfriend drove up from Denver. It was a relaxed day – we just caught up on everything. Again, the conversation was superficial, as usual . . . latest news about jobs, latest news about material acquisitions, latest news about weather . . . nothing of substance. But, it’s time with family and that’s worth something in and of itself.


Today, I read and responded to a comment from a reader (Aaron) concerning the context around me sharing a bed with my dad all throughout my childhood. In responding, I realized that I cherished that time with my dad because it was calm – since he was sleeping, he wouldn’t be criticizing me or hitting me or otherwise punishing me. It was a way I could be close to him in a way that was “safe”.

Hmmmm . . . . maybe that memory – that sense of “safety” – could be a gateway into reconciling the historical stuff with my dad.


  1. I hope it does lead you to some resolution of the stuff about your Dad, even if it doesn’t turn out to be reconciling

    • Hi, Evan –

      I think this kind of processing helps put one more piece of the puzzle together . . . it is slow process . . .

      – Marie

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