Posted by: Marie | March 9, 2011

(527) A bit smoother

Post #527

A Bit Smoother

Hi, Everyone –

I have received such great support from all of you . . . thank you for all your kind words! I have been reading them, just haven’t responded . . . but your comments have meant so much to me!

Just to give you an idea of what has been happening . . . the current focus in therapy has “woken up” a bunch of body memories. Dealing with the memories has not been that difficult (well, difficult, but not disabling). The biggest challenge is that this has ramped up my hyperawareness into overdrive. At night, it doesn’t shut down and I haven’t been sleeping.

This means I go back to work the next day exhausted and I have to operate on sheer adrenaline. Then, that night, I still don’t sleep. This happens for a number of days/nights until I finally collapse and sleep for 16 hours, then stay awake for 8 hours, then sleep for another 16 . . . then, because I feel better, I go back into a hyper mode and don’t sleep. I’ve been cycling through this drastic up and down stuff for the last couple of weeks.

So, it has been all I can do to keep my business going and do the minimum self-care to not be offensive to my clients.. I’ve taken a break from everything that is non-essential over the short run – including my blog.

The good news is that I seem to be finding a middle ground again – a balance. As I write this, I got about 12 hours of deep sleep last night and I’m feeling like I could fairly easily go to sleep now (I’m in my p.j.’s, buried under blankets with only my bedside lamp turned on for lighting. I intend to turn off the light in a few minutes and doze off.)

I’m a bit behind on my essential “to do” list, so I need to catch up on that before I go back to blogging. It won’t be long!

Thank you, again, for all your kindness and support!

– Marie


  1. Our society really isn’t set up for real people and their crises and bodily rhythms.

    I’m glad that you are settling into some kind of rhythm now.

    Looking forward to having you back in the blogosphere when you are ready.

    • Hey, Evan –

      I so appreciate your constant support and encouragement . . . you have been a huge benefit to me! I’ll doing much better now!

      – Marie

  2. Really happy to hear that you’re coming back to that baseline stability, Marie. Although I imagine after processing so much heavy trauma your baseline will be a lot higher functioning now than it was previously. This is great news.

    • Hey, Aaron –

      I have to laugh . . . when I first read your comment a couple of weeks ago, I thought to myself that my baseline was no higher than before . . . I thought, “Well, it’s a nice thought but it’s not reality for me.”

      I’m happy to say that my baseline has now moved to a higher position within the past two weeks . . . I’m feeling lighter and I feel some significant healing has occurred in the last month. Thank you for having hope on my behalf!

      – Marie

  3. Working on abuse memories always affects my sleep cycles too, where I can’t sleep more than a few hours and can’t sleep without some kind of pill. That really disrupts everyday life, I know. Adult life has to be maintained somehow.

    Glad you’re starting to feel a balance again. I’ve missed reading your posts. Take care

    • Thank you, Ellen, for the “me, too” comment . . . it is good to know I’m not the only one affected to this extent. I’m glad to be back!

      – Marie

  4. I hope all is well, It sounds like things are getting a bit easier and I am sending positive thoughts your way. I’ve missed your posts too. all the best..

    • Thank you, Marie, for your kind words and encouragement! I’m glad to be back! I hope to see you around!

      – Marie

  5. Hello, Marie! I am making the rounds to say goodbye to the blogosphere after five years of blogging. I want to thank you for your courage and honesty you show in sharing your journal and your journey. I wish you many blessings as you continue on this path.

  6. Hey, Marj –

    Thank you so much for sharing so much with this community. Your words and presence will be missed, but the good stuff you have put out into the blogosphere will continue to benefit all of us for many, many years to come. Bless you!

    – Marie

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