Posted by: Marie | February 12, 2011

(514) Human connections

Post #514
[Private journal entry written on Tuesday, October 12, 2010]

Last night, I attended a chorale concert at the local middle school. I attended because one of my students – an 8th grader – was performing a piano duet accompaniment for one of the choir’s finale pieces. I hadn’t helped him much on the piece because I didn’t know how the choir’s pianist wanted him to play it. I deferred to her advice.

But, it was the first time he had ever been a key performer in a live performance of any kind. It was a big night for him. So, I went to hear him and to sit with his parents.

His performance, and the piece in general, was beautiful. Both his mom and I were wiping tears away. We were all very proud of him!


In thinking about my relationship with Edward, I find myself feeling really good about it – about the benefits of being in such a healthy emotional relationship with solid and appropriate boundaries – and about the experience of consistently feeling heard and seen as I move through some really dark places.

Photo by Martin Chen

I also keep hearing a little voice whispering, “But, don’t get too attached because you know it is not going to last. You know you can’t trust men to be there for you when you need them. You will always have to find a way to survive without the support of men. You can enjoy it while it lasts, but don’t allow yourself to become dependent upon his support. You can never allow yourself to need another human being because you can’t trust them to stick around.”


I want to disregard this little voice, but I still embody a deep fear that the voice speaks the truth. I feel I cannot really trust Edward to be there when I might really need him – not because he is not trustworthy, but because I don’t know how to trust.

I hope that changes.


A couple of evenings ago, I watched a TV show about kids with paranormal abilities. An adult mentor on the show was talking to the kids about how every person has at least one spiritual guide. He encouraged the kids to ask their guides to introduce themselves, especially through dreams.

Before I fell asleep that night, I asked my spirit guides to introduce themselves to me through my dreaming. It was one of those “it’s worth a shot” things – I do believe in spirit guides, but I didn’t have a lot of faith they would actually show up in my dreams. Yet, I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything to invite them.

Well . . . guess what happened . . .

I had a dream that I was still in high school and I was having trouble keeping my grades up. My three spirit guides came along to introduce themselves and to give me some encouragement.

(Now . . . as to whether it was my imagination creating something I would like to have happen, or if they really were independent entities visiting me through my dreams . . . . well . . . I’ll have to say that the dream was extraordinarily powerful and felt very “real” to me. So . . . I tend to believe I really was visited by my spirit guides.)

Here is how I would describe them:

1) A thoughtful black man, about 50 years old, very demonstrative, big warm personality, energetic, taller (5’10”? – 178 cm?), trim build, graying hair, he said he was intrigued by what I was publishing on my blog

2) An older-than-me woman who met with me in some kind of a counseling session, she reminded me a lot of Katherine (therapist I interviewed), very compassionate, matronly, didn’t talk much, listened more, talked to me about taking better care of myself (as in my body)

3) A female who was more my age – she was in the same counseling session as the first female, she was the more talkative of the two women, very compassionate, great listener, she also talked to me about taking care of myself and about balancing my priorities and schedule

I remember one of the women introducing herself as Barbara, but I can’t remember which one.

So, at any rate, I woke up from the dream feeling supported and loved – and encouraged. The feeling has stayed strongly with me in the day or two since. It is an uplifting feeling and I like it.


  1. That is really cool. I do think that most people have attendant energies of one kind or another, and I also think they reveal themselves if asked. I have no doubt that the cat I grew up with was an angelic overseer, though she was more my mother’s than she was mine. I also know that my grandfather, my mother’s father, was very present in my energetic space during an unusally difficult period of my twenties. I had never told anyone I’d felt this, but I went to a shaman during that time for an energy reading, and while he was in trance, he said, “The old man loves you, and he is near you.”

    • Oh, neat, David . . . I think it is so cool that you believe that kind of stuff! I always have believed that way, in one form or another . . .

      I think what leads me to believe this was a “real” interaction is the sense of well-being I experienced even though they were talking to me about doing better in some areas . . . I didn’t feel criticized or judged, rather I felt supported and encouraged.

      Thanks for sharing your story!

      – Marie

  2. Great stuff. I hope the feeling of being supported and loved stays with you.

    • Hey, Evan –

      It is pretty easy for me to recall the feeling I had during this dream . . . if I will take the time to recall it. So . . .yeah, that feeling is available to me most of the time!

      – Marie

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