Posted by: Marie | September 27, 2010

(409) Bull and china

Post #409
[Private journal entry written on Wednesday, April 7, 2010 – 1pm]

Three weeks ago, I sent Mark an email in which I told him when I was available to swing by his office and pick up my book I loaned him. He never responded. (Big surprise, right?) So, I was hoping he would remember to bring it to one of the community business networking events.

We had a networking event today – a meeting. Mark sat down next to me at the conference table and talked with me like we were old friends. For the sake of the others around us, I went along with the show – even though we had not cleared the air between us yet.

At the end of the meeting, he asked if he could walk with me to the parking lot – he said he had my book in his vehicle.

I consented.

As we walked, we made small talk . . .

When we got to his pick-up truck and he reached into the front seat to get the book, he asked if he could carry it to my car for me. (It is a huge notebook . . . 500 full-size pages in a heavy three-ring binder.) I was fully capable of carrying it myself, but I understood he wanted to be chivalrous.

I consented.

When we reached my car, he turned and looked directly at me . . . and asked in a concerned voice, “So, are you doing okay?”

Selflessness Forest by Martin Chen

(Immediately, I got all emotional and tears filled my eyes . . . grrrrrr!)

Finally, while halfway holding my breath in an attempt to stop the tears, I stated, “I’m really pissed. But, I’m doing okay. Are we okay?”

“Yes . . . I’m okay with how things stand between us. But, if you want to get some coffee and talk about it, I’m open to that.”

“I don’t have anything new to say – I’d just be repeating what I have already said so many times before. There is no benefit in me saying it all to you again. So, thanks, but no thanks.”

“Okay. So, am I still invited to your piano recital next month? I would really like to come hear your students play, if my wife and I aren’t on our annual vacation.”

“Sure.”

“May I have a hug?”

“Sure.”

[hug]

—–

You know what . . . I still find myself feeling connected with the guy . . . at least when we aren’t butting heads in therapy. I still have a soft spot in my heart for him.

But, he is like a bull in a china shop. He doesn’t have a clue how to be gentle with me.

I still believe he is doing what he thinks is best. I still believe he has big heart. He just doesn’t have a clue how to deal with someone like me in therapy.

I am very sad I will never be able to be seen/heard by him. But, I’m done trying to make that happen – so very done.


Responses

  1. It is a real problem I think when people are well intentioned (at least as far as they are aware) but so hopeless in what they do.

    • Hey, Evan –

      I guess he thinks it is working for him . . . I don’t understand, but it’s not my problem anymore, thank goodness!

      – Marie

  2. Well to me this was a very nice and sweet conclusion to that “storyline.” This was the best he could do, and I think this ending was the best one available given all that had occurred.

    Kudos for handling yourself with dignity.

    • Hey, Aaron –

      I agree, this was the best conclusion one could hope for, given the circumstances. At least I can still be civil with him around town (which is important in a small town).

      Thanks for the kind words!

      – Marie

  3. Well, I have to hand it to the guy — he may be blind to his faults as a therapist, but he’s a good person.

    • Hey, David –

      That is true! And, I think it is what I struggled with the most . . . I didn’t want to give up on a relationship with a man with such a good heart. But, alas . . .

      – Marie


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