Posted by: Marie | July 14, 2010

(356) Hopeful thinking

Post #356
[Private journal entry written on Monday, February 15, 2010]

The post that was published today (Feb 15) contains such venom towards men. I can see how I gather every little bad thing that happens with a man as evidence that all men are that way.

I understand that I have a lifetime of experience that tells me “how men are”. I understand it will be tough for me to suddenly start believing men can be thoughtful and generous and loving and gentle.

The Flower by Martin Chen

But, what might happen if I set aside “what I know about men” and started with a clean slate?

I’m not saying all that history didn’t happen, I’m not trying to make a huge leap and believe something I know is not true . . . I’m just saying that I don’t always have to collect and catalog and give value to every bad act. I could let each current-day experience stand on it’s own – let it have its own story and meaning.

———-

Mark called and left a message at 5:30 this evening, while I was in a lesson. He asked me to call him back after 8:30pm. His message was vague and very formal . . . he used my full name and his full name, and left his number . . . like he thought he was leaving a message at the reception desk of a business. But, he knows that is my personal cell phone . . . I think he does, anyway.

While I was waiting for it to be time to call him, I convinced myself he was going to tell me he couldn’t work with me anymore. Why else would he have been so vague and formal?

I was hoping that was the case; then I would have proof that it was his stuff getting in the way and that he couldn’t deal with the truth – that it was his fault and not mine. That would be an easy way to finish this unfinished business.

But, no – he just wanted to move up our session date by two days – to tomorrow morning. He is going on a planned-at-the-last-minute trip. Well, I guess I better get the finishing touches on my script! Yikes!


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