Posted by: Marie | April 15, 2010

(292) Battle between flesh and willpower

Post #292
[Private journal entry written on Thursday, December 24, 2009]

Welcome to sunny, warm Florida.

It’s actually close to freezing outside . . . which is unbearable for Floridians, quite comfortable for Coloradoans . . . Colorado’s temperatures have been hanging below freezing (even daytime temps) for a couple of months now.

So, this is quite warm for me. I have been sleeping with a single light blanket and with the window cracked open – the house is way too warm for my thick blood. (Can you guess why I avoid Florida in the summer? My body was built for colder climates!)

There might actually be another reason why I’m struggling to stay cool . . .

I’m running a low-grade fever.

Yup, I’m on vacation in sunny, “warm” Florida and I’m curled up under the blanket, sick as a dog.

When I got on the plane, I had a slight sinus thing happening. Apparently, the changes in cabin air pressure drove it down into my lungs (or, at least, that is what the Internet says happens sometimes).

On the Hike by Martin Chen

I’m supposed to be sleeping with my mom. But, the first night, I couldn’t breath and I couldn’t stop coughing, so I moved onto the couch in the living room so I could sit up.

After a couple of days of not moving off the couch, it became obvious that this was more than a “slight sinus thing”. I’ve been coughing so hard that I’m afraid I’m going to tear something in my chest. This evening, I started running a slight fever.

My family wants to take me to the emergency room. However, I don’t have health insurance and I don’t have enough money in my bank account to cover the cost of walking in the front doors of the emergency room. (Remember, I just cleaned out my savings to buy a new digital piano . . . )

And, I don’t have a credit card because I no longer use credit to spend money I don’t currently have in hand . . . not since I had a financial meltdown seven+ years ago. If I don’t have the cash to pay for it, I don’t buy it – including emergency medical services.

Furthermore, I have a love/hate appreciation/hate relationship with doctors. I have found very few doctors who honor my approach to medicine (which is pretty much: “leave my body the hell alone so it can heal”). I’m quite sure I’m not going to like the treatment for this crud that would be provided in an emergency room.

In order for me to be willing to go to the emergency room, I would have to be next to death. I can assure you that I am still very much alive. If I were by myself and not with family, the emergency room option would not have been even considered.

Thank goodness, my sister lives in a smaller town. The emergency room closes at 7pm. It is now 8pm. Too late! (Yes!)

And, the only symptom that is causing concern is the fever, which is still low-grade . . . I don’t have any of the other symptoms that would compel a “reasonable” person to see a doctor. So, my family has acknowledged it is not serious enough to warrant an hour’s drive into an Orlando hospital or clinic. We agreed to reassess the situation in the morning (when the local emergency room opens, assuming it is open on Christmas Day).

They don’t know it yet, but I’m going to will myself into non-sickness by morning. I’m not going to the emergency room.


  1. I hope you were better in the morning.

    • Hey, Evan –

      Thanks for the well wishes!

      – Marie

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