Posted by: Marie | April 8, 2010

(287) I must be too nice!

Post #287
[Private journal entry written on Wednesday, December 16, 2009]

I finally got a voicemail from Sally this afternoon – 36 hours after I left my voicemail – less than 24 hours before the performance.

She apologized for taking so long to respond to my voicemail – she had been too busy to respond sooner.

She also made it clear that she was very upset with me because I backed out without talking to her first – and because she really wanted music in the program.

She has no clue the hours I spent preparing for all the possible scenarios. She has no clue all the phone calls and running around I did to create contingency plans.

She showed no regret for how her lack of planning might have affected me. She showed no appreciation on any level. She only displayed frustration with me.

Well, guess what – I learned my lesson . . . if she asks me to do something like this is the future, I’ll decline, thank you very much. This was ridiculous.

I didn’t bother returning her call – it would be a waste of time and energy. Regardless what I say, in her mind, I will be wrong and she will be right. She is simply clueless about how her behavior impacts other people.

But, as a result of all this, I have had a major epiphany . . .

People walk all over me on a regular basis because I am way too nice. I’ve gotta learn to be a bitch. Seriously.


Responses

  1. Hi Marie! I have to say…been there, done that! I used to think being the biggest bitch was the only way to go until I started learning about the “why” behind how to take care of myself and respect others.I didn’t think it was possible but today I live in a completely different place where I can leave others issues with them and not feel like I have to fight to get the tiniest scrap of what I need in life. (I used to feel like I had to fight for everything that was important to me)

    A recent quote I ran across that I really like: “When someone shows you who they are…believe them.” Maya Angelou

    In other words, pay attention to what people say and if their actions dont line up with their words it’s a hint that this might not be a healthy relationship and to “move on”.

    I had to own that I was the only person at fault for all the times I kept investing into unhealthy relationships as when someone had already SHOWN me who they were by the way they treated me in the past. If there was blame to be laid it was on me for expecting someone to be anything other than what they had already proven themselves to be.

    This balanced with compassion for others issues has been so freeing to me.

    Hope you are well!

    Susan

    • Hey, Susan –

      I’m glad you shared your thoughts . . . I like what you have to say!

      You are so right about how valuable it is to pay attention to how we are being treated and decide to stay or go based on that.

      I have said this before . . . my biggest challenge is figuring out what to do about the fact almost every one of my relationships fall into the category of “unhealthy” — in other words, I feel I am being disrespected almost all the time.

      So . . . either I’m too sensitive or I’m choosing poorly . . . and that is what I need to figure out now. I’m very good at leaving relationships . . . I do it all the time.

      For me, the challenge is to find a way to stay . . . maybe by showing up in relationships differently or selecting people differently.

      Great input! Thank you!

      – Marie

  2. Hi Marie,

    Embrace the inner bitch. Yes! And find out what she needs and wants (which I think is related to what Susan is saying).

    PS I’m getting your posts in both RSS and email over the last few days.

    • Hey, Evan –

      LOL . . . maybe it all depends on how one defines “bitch” . . . I can see positive aspects as well as less helpful ones . . .

      I don’t know what to tell you about the RSS/email thing . . . that is not something I have any control over. I take it that is not suppose to happen?

      – Marie


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