Posted by: Marie | March 4, 2010

(262) One tough cookie

Post #262
[Private journal entry written on Saturday, November 21, 2009]

This morning, I woke up with my thoughts centered on dating.

In my life, I have learned how to be “tough”. I can withstand pain in my body, I can keep going when many people would have given up, I have learned to get along without other people.

But, I can see that, by being so “tough”, I don’t “need” anyone. I have cheated myself out of intimate relationships . . . including romantic ones.

I wonder what it would be like to not be tough . . ? Could I still be strong? What is “strength”? What is “toughness”? What is “weakness”? What is “neediness”? Can I find a healthy middle ground?

I really want to deeply connect with people.


  1. It’s possible to find a flexible resilience that is an integration of hard and soft.

    This is stronger than hard (which is brittle).

    We are all dependent on our environment – this is true as long as we are physical beings. [It may be possible to enter samadhi but even then, from the reports I’ve read, these people age – their beards grow and so on (I’ve only read of men).] The only option we have in our physical reality is to be in charge of the relationship between ourselves and our environment – this emphasises awareness – of both ourselves and our environment and matching them.

    If you examine martial artists (eg boxers) at rest you will find that their muscles are soft.

    As we become at home with different parts of ourselves we find out sense of strength – we can be receptive and assertive.

    I guess this is quite a long and abstract rant. Hope I’m making sense – this has been quite a journey for me (it can be quite a hot button issues for males in western cultures).

    • Hey, Evan –

      So . . . I can see, in general, what you are saying . . .

      However, I’m still working to implement that way of being in my own life. The picture you paint helps me get a clearer picture of where I’m going.

      Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your experience . . . it’s very good input!

      – Marie

  2. I think your desire to connect means you haven’t become too independant. I am tough, I am told I’m strong and not needy, yet, I desperatly want a valued relationship. I think we develop coping skills that make us look stronger and more independant than we really are. I hope you find a great relationship that is everything you imagine it could be.

    • Hey, Ivory –

      Yes, I hear what you are saying . . . we look strong but we are aching for connection with another . . . interesting paradox!

      Thank you for your kind wishes . . . I wish the same for you!

      – Marie

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