Posted by: Marie | October 23, 2009

(170) No more compliance

Post #170
[Private journal entry written on Thursday, July 2, 2009]

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I’m on vacation in Gig Harbor, Washington, at my sister’s house. It is way out in the “boonies” . . . thick trees and underbrush on all sides of the yard, no neighbors in sight. There is a nice-sized waterfall outside, just off the old-fashioned porch that is meant for a handful of antique rocking chairs. The breeze coming through the trees is sweet with the sounds of birds fluttering and deer munching. The squirrels are having some kind of quarrel over something or another.

There is no TV (well, they have one, but they can’t get anything but a weather channel and a number of religious channels over the airwaves). Internet access is suspect. I am alone with nature, family and books. It is good.

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The one noisemaker we have is my sister’s new three-month-old, four-pound (1.8kg) miniature dachshund named “Charlie”. He is into everything. He hasn’t learned to bark yet, but he makes up for it by tearing around the house like a wild banshee, grabbing his toys and running with them in circles until his hind feet go faster than his front feet and he wipes out in a curious show of head –> belly –> tail –> head –> belly –> tail –> head –> belly . .

We have to be very careful to keep track of Charlie’s whereabouts . . . he is the exact same size as my tennis shoe and he moves so quickly that it is very easy to step on him – which would be bad for the stepper and very bad for the miniature step-ee. What a cutie he is . . . I’ve included a few photos of him . . . I have to share the photos since I’m such a proud auntie!

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In this peaceful setting, I have had a chance to think in peace. I’ve had an epiphany . .

It dawned on me that my intuition about what steps I need to take and what direction I need to head in my healing process has always been dead-on accurate. It is okay for me to trust my intuition – I do know what is best for me. I know it better than anyone else.

If and when I partner with another therapist, that therapist will have to honor and recognize the wisdom of my intuition. He or she will have to be willing to follow what I feel is best. I want that therapist to provide options, and to reflect back to me what I might not be able to see on my own. However, when it comes to deciding what action and overall direction is best for me, it will have to be my decision.

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What I have realized is that I was not the “non-compliant” party in my therapist-client relationships (and I greatly fear being labeled “non-compliant” because it is equivalent with being “bad”). In actuality, it was my therapists who were the non-compliant parties. When I was very clear with them what options I believed were best for me and for my healing journey, they ignored and overrode my instincts and decisions. They dishonored my wisdom. They distrusted my instinct.

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By attempting to bow to their wisdom, experience and education even when it felt inappropriate to me, I demonstrated a similar distrust for my own wisdom. Despite knowing it was not the best choice for me, I tried to ignore the suffocating feeling I had and do what I was told to do. I should have listened to that “trapped” feeling . . . there is good reason for my feeling that way – my body was telling me that it was not a good direction for me to take.

From now on, I choose to trust and follow my instinct and innate wisdom – if my therapist has an issue with that, then that therapist is not the therapist for me.

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That epiphany lifts the burden of “required compliance” off my shoulders. What a huge relief.

And, this feels like a empowered position . . . like I’m taking responsibility for the direction of my healing path rather than leaving it up to “the professionals” who don’t know me. This feels good.

[Editorial note: You can read more about my empowering epiphany — that I don’t have to be a compliant client — in my guest post at Evan’s blog (Health and Wellbeing)]

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Responses

  1. Charlie is absolutely wonderful, the epitome of joy! Charlie is great therapy all by himself!
    You are very wise to trust in your innate wisdom. Following your intuition is always the prime path to a speedy recovery. Being in a place of low distractions was a very wise move.

    • Hi, tobeme –

      Charlie is a sweetheart! Thanks for fussing over his cuteness!

      I’m glad you also find it to be true that we need to follow our intuition. Thanks for the encouraging words!

      – Marie

  2. I agree, you need to feel empowered. My T often tells me that he felt as if he was ineffective for me until the day he decided to just sit back, strap on his seat belt and go along for the ride. He said he stopped fighting my lead and went along with me. It made a huge difference.

    Gosh, July? Have you found a new therapist yet?

    • Hi, Ivory –

      LOL . . . I guess we will get these therapists trained, one at a time, LOL.

      No new therapist yet — I’m doing the self-directed thing right now — it’s working for now!

      Good to hear from you!

      – Marie

  3. I thought that I had the wrong blog…. Charlie is as cute as my Chilli. My Dachshund used to chase his tail until exhaustion. I miss him so much… but he is ok where he is right now. I will be departing tomorrow to a place where I can be with myself, close to nature to say goodbye to my ex- husband and to also say goodbye to an illusion I had that wont ever come true. However, I feel joyful b/c I will be letting go two big and heavy attachments and I will welcome a new array of wonderful possibilities. I can’t wait ’till tomorrow.
    Good night Marie & Charlie

    • Hi, Atabex –

      Pets really are such a blessing — the blessing of having them in our lives greatly outweights the pain of losing them. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Chilli — he sounds like a sweetheart!

      It sounds like your weekend plans are designed to move you forward in a huge way — I’m proud of you that you are taking those steps!

      – Marie

  4. What a cutie footie that puppy is! Adorable. Good for you for making the connection about your therapists. They do work for you, not the other way around.

    Having a retreat is so good for the soul, it gives me time to gestate and solutions just come. Sounds like they did for you.

    • Hi, SDW –

      Hee hee . . I guess I’ll have to start Charlie a fan club, LOL!

      Thanks for the “kudos” on figuring this stuff out!

      I do enjoy my sister’s house . . . it is their retirement house and they designed it to be a haven.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      – Marie

  5. Gig Harbor sounds fabulous – wouldn’t mind being there at all!

    I’ve found it works to trust my intuition to make the decision too (and that eventually nothing else works for me). I do follow up with using my thinking to get the details right but for me the only way to make the decision is from my intuition.

    I think you are absolutely right about non-compliant therapists. It seems unlikely that they know you better than you do – and if they think you were missing something they could have told you about instead of just insisting on you doing it their way.

    Hope you find a good therapist someday soon – who is willing to work on the basis of trust.

    • Hey, Evan –

      So, I’m getting the feeling that you are a harbor guy . . not so much a mountain or plains type of guy . . . [grin!]

      Sometimes I have a bit of trouble determining when it is poor quality early-life learning that is driving my “gut feeling” or if it is intuition — but, if I take a moment to check if the underlying feeling is fear or grounded-ness, I can made a better determination.

      Thanks for your input!

      – Marie

  6. I am just now beginning to work through the place of trusting my intuition; this post is incredibly helpful and loving and caring in tone, the point though for me is very clear…excellent post.

    The puppy Charlie, is a cutie patootie ro doll baby as we say way out in WV, thank you for sharing the pictures!
    G

    • Hi, Gabi –

      Thanks for the holler from WV! I know a little of WV . . . I’ve done a few camping trips there . . and some guy ran over my motorcycle when it was parked in a hotel parking lot . . . yup, fond memories, LOL!

      I’m glad that you are learning how to trust your intuition . . . I think it is a huge part of the healing process. Thanks for the kind words about the post and about Charlie!

      – Marie

  7. Hi Marie,

    I think I’m a water person: I also love rivers, beaches and waterfalls (but not the rain – unless I’m warm and inside).

    • Oh, cool . . . in a couple of posts from now, there’s something you’ll enjoy . . .

  8. Good for you. I think most good clinical therapists prefer someone who is involved rather than a “compliant” patient who isn’t. In the end the healthcare worker is an expert there to help and offer advice, but you make your own final call on your care.

    • Hi, Doctor D –

      Ah, music to my ears . . . a doctor who believes in empowering clients to direct their own experience. Good for YOU!

      Thanks for stopping by!

      – Marie

  9. That sounds like a great place for a get-away! It’s great that you have come to a place where you can trust your intuition. I have learned that when I don’t trust mine something will go wrong somewhere. I think of my therapist as a support person as I do the work of healing. Oh…Charlie is very cute.

    • Hey, lostinamaze –

      Yeah, Charlie is a cutie!

      I so agree with you on the intuition . . . it is tempting to hand over control to someone else, but we do best when we do what our guts tell us to do!

      Thank you!

      – Marie


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