Posted by: Marie | August 17, 2009

(127) I’ve had enough

Post #127
[Emails to and from my therapist exchanged on Thursday, April 16, 2009]

Hi, Dr. Barb –

Well, I have continued to attempt to prepare a status report and some journal entries to send to you . . . . it’s not going so well.

I continue to feel stifled and silenced — I find myself still filtering and guarding my words — it’s not getting better with time.

I have lost my voice in our relationship. The possibility of finding it anytime soon feels very remote to me.

I have to acknowledge I have already checked out of our relationship. As much as I hoped I would find healing through your guidance, that is not going to happen.

I hope to someday understand why I responded this way.

I’m sorry for putting you though so much. I appreciate all your effort.

Is there anything we need to do to bring things to a close?

– Marie

——————-

I understand, Marie.

I wish you the very, very best.

Possibly the fear of moving forward, or me pushing you to move forward and find closure without all the answers is still too difficult or scary in itself.

I honor your decision and pray for you to find peace and daily growth in quality of life.

I have taken you off the scheduled appointment.

Wave as you go by, it is always great to see your beautiful smile.

Health & Blessings,
Dr. Barb

Quotes 037


Responses

  1. Hallelujah! Marie has seen the light!!

    You know it is cheating that you know what is in the next chapter.

    Great reading though.

    • You’re funny, Vicki . . . .

      Yes, I saw the light, LOL!

      – Marie

  2. Sappy! Just too Sappy! Okay, Barb had her moments and nearly fooled me, but I just don’t know how you stood it that long. But her letter back to you! Eeeuuuu.

    Great tho that you have ended it. It is still ended, right?

    • Hey, Ivory –

      You all are cracking me up!

      Yes, “sappy” is a great word, LOL. And, yes, it is still ended . . . I still see her around town some and say “hi” (the small town thing, again), but that is it.

      Once again . . . YOU WERE RIGHT!!! LOL

      – Marie

  3. Her response is really interesting I think. (Apart from the sappiness.)

    It’s this that gets my attention:
    “Possibly the fear of moving forward, or me pushing you to move forward and find closure without all the answers is still too difficult or scary in itself.”

    There are so many things in there about closure. And ‘all the answers’ – does this mean that the answers desired by the client are ‘all the answers’. Does it mean that to desire all the answers is somehow counter-productive; if so, Why?

    It sounds so light but (I think anyway) has much going on underneath. Maybe it’s me projecting and reading stuff in. But that sentence just grabbed hold of me.

    • Hi, Evan –

      I was betting that you’d have something to say about that sentence . . .

      When I received her email, I quickly skimmed over all of her cheery words (because I had heard them so often before) and was grabbed by the same sentence as you. She captured the essence of our conflict in that one sentence.

      I don’t think you are projecting, I think you are reading it the way it really was – you put into words what I was thinking/feeling at the time.

      – Marie

  4. Hi Marie,

    “The most healing instrument of all is your own voice.”

    C. W. Child

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    • Hi, Kate –

      That is so true!

      – Marie

  5. Interesting that she seemed to lay it all on you for the relationship not working. I’m glad that you ended this relationship. It was really bugging me.

    • Hi, lostinamaze –

      That seems to happen to me a lot (that I get blamed for 100% of the problems in a relationship). I’m not sure why.

      However, recently, my housemate and I were having problems with boundaries within the house — after the frustration escalated on both sides, we sat down and talked it through. We are now back on really good terms.

      We talked about how we both were hesitant to sit down and talk with each other because we were sure the other would blame us for 100% of the problem and take no responsibility — that is what happens to both of us, a lot. But, we both took responsibility for our parts and we both came out of it feeling like it had been a fair disagreement and a fair solution. It was a new experience for both of us. So, maybe it has to do with who I am choosing for associates.

      – Marie


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