Posted by: Marie | July 26, 2009

(112) Lies or affirmations?

Post #112
[Journal entry written to my therapist on Sunday, March 22, 2009]

Hi, Dr. Barb –

Last time we met, you asked me if I was saying affirming words to myself as I took my vitamins. I said “yes”, which was a lie. The truth is . . . I thought up some positive words a time or two while taking my vitamins – and then I put the concept on my list of things to incorporate into my daily routine at a later time – I had other things I wanted to incorporate first.

Going Down by Martin Chen

Going Down by Martin Chen

I lied to avoid having to hear you tell me I should be doing it. I already knew I should be doing it and I didn’t feel the need to be reminded. When someone reminds me to do something I already know I’m supposed to be doing (and am planning to do), I feel like I’m getting pushed into the role of the child in a parent-child conversation that does not need to occur. I feel belittled and discredited.

So, it was easier to lie – and I lied to you. I am sorry.

To remedy the situation, I have created a list of affirmations that I can say when I take my vitamins, floss/brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. I have put them on index cards and will review them at key times – starting this week:

– Sustaining nourishment keeps all my physical systems alive.

– My health is important. Even when I don’t “feel like it”, I choose to practice extreme self-care.

– I am becoming more fit and healthier because of my conscientious nutrition and physical activity choices.

– I choose to practice extreme self-care because I love me.

– I cherish the added vigor and vitality I am experiencing as a result of making healthy choices.

– In this food, I clearly see the presence of the entire universe supporting my existence.

– In my face, I see the image of God.

– Taking care of my body is an act of communion with the living forces of nature.

– Marie

Quotes 024


Responses

  1. Have you noticed any changes from doing the affirmations?

    • Well, Jaleesa . . . aaaagggggghhhh . . . how do I answer such a great question . . . for which I wish I had a better answer . . .

      At the time I wrote this entry, I was really struggling with Dr. Barb. I was feeling rebellious but trying to behave compliantly. I didn’t really want the affirmations to have a positive effect because, then, Dr. Barb would be “right”. But, I wanted them to work because I wanted to feel better . . .

      I was trying to keep an open mind and a good attitude, but I wasn’t doing that well, at all.

      Despite all of that, the affirmations did cause me to pause and be grateful for my blessings, to be aware of how worthy my body was of care and nurturing. So, given the fact that they had a positive impact despite me not really giving them a chance . . . well, I would have to say that little bit of extra effort was well worthwhile.

      So . . . have I continued them?? I said them for a couple of weeks, but then I stopped. Soon after, all of my self-care stopped. I have been struggling since then to get it going again in a consistent fashion.

      That’s not to say I’m not doing well overall, now — I am — I’m just now approaching my self-care program from a direction that is totally different from what I had going with Dr. Barb. And, I’m having mixed success with this new way.

      But, I was having mixed success doing it “Dr. Barb’s way”, too. Bottom line, I don’t have the “answer” yet.

      (And now, reading back over my response to your question, I see I have been writing pure bullshit. Let me try this again . . .)

      Truth be told, I have never made saying these affirmations a priority — not then, not now. So, how then can I really answer your question . . . ??

      – Marie

      • Dang it, I’m doing it again. Third try . .

        Jaleesa, the answer is: Not as many changes as I believe there could have been, had I been truly willing and committed.

        (Why was that so hard?)

        • So, if I believe saying affirmations would greatly benefit my self-care program . . . (which I do) . . .

          If I believe they are so easy to do and so worth the minimal effort . . . (which I do) . . .

          If I’m still having mixed success with my self-care program . . . (which is true) . . .

          Why am I not saying affirmations now?

          • Answer: Because, right now, I am more committed to processing the anger of my history than I am to experiencing a consistent state of contentment. I am not ready to give attention to actively creating bliss.

            My conflict that is showing up here today (July 26th) is coming from the fact I have not yet given myself permission to be really angry, nor have I given myself permission to not focus on contentment and bliss right now.

            (Thanks Jaleesa and Evan.)

  2. Jalessa’s question is better than my statement, which is: I sure hate people telling me what to do. Alas…

    • Yeah, Susan . . . I’m with ya’!

      – Marie


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