Posted by: Marie | July 23, 2009

(109) Mostly negative words

Post #109
[Journal entry written to my therapist on Wednesday, March 18, 2009]

Hi, Dr. Barb –

I have a dilemma – I feel like I shouldn’t send my status reports to you because they are too negative. I feel like I should delete the negative stuff, or at least re-write it so it comes closer to meeting your standards. But, if I do that, I will be hiding the really dark parts of my thinking from you – and how can you help me if I don’t show you those parts of me?

Going Green by Martin Chen

Going Green by Martin Chen

Maybe it will help if I explain that sometimes I need to vent mental/emotional pressure. During those times, I just need to get it out of me and onto paper. During those times, I am not in a position to take in feedback – the pressure is so great and the flow is so strong that words can only flow one way. I use my writing to relieve that pressure – and that is why my writing is mostly negative.

When my mood is upbeat, I tend to not write. Instead, I’m inspired to be in action, physically and mentally – to create things . . art, teaching material, marketing plans – I’m inspired to explore and document hiking trails – I’m inspired to be social – the list goes on. That is how my positive energy manifests. During the upbeat times, I don’t have an inclination to write anything, positive or negative – I’m too busy “creating” and manifesting.

Also, when my mood is upbeat and the pressure is lower, I am in a position to consider feedback. In those times, I am ready to create and implement solutions. I use my therapy sessions for receiving that feedback – assuming my “low-pressure” times align with my session times so I can be open for feedback.

Does that help you understand why most of my writing is negative?

– Marie

Quotes 020


Responses

  1. I’ll be interested to see the future posts about this.

    • Hey, Evan –

      How neat it is to have an attentive and appreciative audience! Thank you a bunch!

      – Marie

  2. I write that way sometimes, too. Actually, I realize now after reading about your thoughts that I stopped writing my journals after I began to experience my own healing and getting on with my life.

    You are very insightful…

    • Thank you, Ivory . . . do you think it is worth the effort to make a point of writing the positive stuff, too? Or, is it okay to only write when struggling with the negative?

      – Marie

  3. I think I would find a way to avoid the terms negative and positive. All of the way you write is you and you should maybe find a way to honor all of it. Barb needs to understand that.

    • Ah, Paul –

      I like your thinking: “All of the way you write is you . . . ”

      Awesome! Thanks for sharing!

      – Marie

  4. It’s my humble opinion that you need to be true to yourself when writing. And really, reading about your dark parts teach me about my dark parts.

    For me that is positive.

  5. Hi, lostinamaze –

    I have found that it is necessary to write about all aspects — the pretty and the ugly. Once I get it out of my system, then I can more rationally decide what to do with those words (bury them, share them, find another way to think about them, etc.)

    Thanks for your input!

    – Marie


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