Posted by: Marie | April 26, 2009

(55) His fault or mine?

Post #55
[Email from my therapist received on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 – morning]

Marie –

Please do not withdraw.  Don’t let your anger, fear, doubt manipulate you.  I must be honest with you, I am human and I was hurt by some of your words…for a short time it became about me…. but it is not about me what is going on in your heart and mind is about you.  It is about the sum of all your experiences and your fear that what has always happened in the past happening all over again.  I care greatly about you and your future.  If you are willing to struggle through this then I am ready to walk through it with you no matter what you think about me or call me.  Your feelings are very sensitive and intense over this event… lets review it for a moment.  All your feelings are over what exactly?

1. If I lied, and simply forgot, and re-asked a few questions by mistake. If I was so weak that I needed to cover over a simple mistake by trying to lie my way out of it… does that justify in your mind, your response?  Why was it so important to “call me out”?  What was your need?  What were you re-playing from past experience?  Was it about my lie or your need to believe something about me to help you travel in a certain direction?  Do you, on some level, feel threatened by our meetings and therefore are looking for a way out?  I don’t know, and all I hope for you is that you explore the possibilities.

2. If I am telling the truth and I have been challenging your answers, while looking for the possibility of a different response or insight… does it not sound a little out of place that your response would be so strong?  I respect the fact that you do not know some things, the oceans of the world could be filled with the things I don’t know, but when you respond with the words “I don’t know”, there are deep emotions and feelings attached to those words.  I believe there is more attached than simple frustration… don’t you?

You desire to be happy and fulfilled, but you know that that there is something sabotaging your efforts.  Some of those things have been outside of your ability to control, but some of the sabotage is self-inflicted, for whatever reason.  We have handled several of the external items, and it is time to either stop there or continue.  Only you know if you can be honest, open and trusting.   It will be my job to honest, empathetic, non-judgmental, caring, and professional.  I will give you my best no matter how you feel or think about me.  If I cannot, you have my guarantee that I will stop the session and refund your money.

I sincerely hope to continue our sessions.  No ill feelings on this side.

– Mark


  1. He can be honest? Then why wasn’t he honest and told you the truth instead of lying. Which he did not even really admit to or apologize for. Totally unethical and unprofessional behavior.


    • Hi, Kate –

      I was thinking the same thing . . .

      I think he was trying to teach me something — but, what I really needed from him was for him to be honest with me about what was “going on” on his part so that I could restore my trust in him — since trust is a key part of therapy.

      It is good to have validation from you. Thank you!

      – Marie

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