Posted by: Marie | April 25, 2009

(54) Defeat and resignation

Post #54
[Journal entry written to my therapist on Sunday, July 20, 2008]

Hi, Mark –

And this morning, I have arrived at a very familiar place – the place where I am weary of fighting to prove to myself that there is hope.  I feel defeated and resigned.  Once again, I can see that my need to be known and understood – to have someone take the time to really know me to the extent I need to be known – is unreasonable and unrealistic.

I feel resigned to the fact this need is too substantial, too bottomless of a pit, to ever be met – it is too much to ask another human being to carry that load.  It is unfair to ask that of you as my therapist.  It is unfair to ask that of a family member or a lover.  I wish I could make that need go away, but I don’t think it will ever go away.

I am sad and discouraged today.  I need to stop wasting my time on hoping for this aspect of my life to change and look to the other aspects of my life to find joy.

This sucks.

– Marie


Responses

  1. I followed your URL from mine (Shades of Ivory) and I posted your comment/request, but hope you will understand that I will wait and read more of this blog before adding it to my blog roll.

    I am a bit paranoid and need to be comfortable …

    • Hi, Ivory –

      I do understand and am happy to be patient. I appreciate your consideration!

      BTW, you can look at older posts by going to the “older posts” page . . . if that will help.

      Thank you!
      – Marie


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