Posted by: Marie | April 20, 2009

(50) I detect bullshit

Post #50
[Journal entry written to my therapist on Wednesday, July 16, 2008]

Hi, Mark –

Can I add some more information to the mix?

I acknowledge the accuracy of what you said about my consistent angry response to not being heard – I appreciate your identifying it and bringing it to my attention.  It is something I didn’t know about myself and that knowledge will now be helpful to me.  It also is a springboard into finding new and valuable places to dig in my psyche.

In relation to that, I need to let you know what is going on with me concerning how you presented that information . . .

When you were talking about how you have been acting like you don’t remember some of the major points of what I have already told you in order to test your theory, my bullshit meter was ringing so loud I could hardly hear what you were saying.  My gut tells me that what you were saying is 30% truthful and 70% bullshit.

My gut is telling me that your testing of that theory is responsible for some of your “forgetfulness”, especially in the last two sessions.  But my gut is also telling me that the majority of your “forgetfulness” has shown up because you really don’t remember.  My gut tells me that you took a little bit of truth and stretched it out to cover up a lot.

As I am sitting here now, I have to recognize that my trust in you was negatively impacted by that conversation.

I am willing to consider that my gut is wrong.  I am willing to consider that I am in a space where I am placing blame on you to get out of taking responsibility for my own crap.

Can you help me with this, please?

– Marie

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