Posted by: Marie | February 18, 2009

(17) My spiritual journey – Part 4 of 9

Post #17
[Therapy homework assignment completed on Tuesday, April 8, 2008 – continued from previous post]

MARK: THIS IS THE PART THAT I WAS GOING TO DELETE BECAUSE WE ADDRESSED IT IN OUR MARCH 25th SESSION BUT YOU ASKED ME TO LEAVE IT IN – UM, I WAS RATHER PISSED OFF WHEN I WROTE IT, SO BE FOREWARNED . . .

Okay . . time out here, for a second . . . I need to address something . . .

The following section contains descriptions of experiences that greatly affected my spiritual journey – specifically, experiences that I would classify as “paranormal”.  When creating this documentation of my spiritual journey for you to read, I debated the wisdom of including these experiences.

I believe I am sensitive to energy sources that are currently considered “paranormal” only because they have not yet been recognized by traditional science.  I believe I gather input from these sources, and I gather input from the “normal” five senses, and then I put it all together in my brain in a way that results in sometimes “normal” experiences and sometimes “paranormal” experiences.  I believe my brain’s interpretation of the information, and the resulting experiences, are uniquely constructed around my own life experience and processing style – someone else might interpret and experience the same information differently.

I do believe the information is legitimate because I’ve had so many paranormal experiences in my lifetime that have been validated (for example, I see something happen in my mind and then it happens in real life – like someone who needs help frantically knocking on our front door, or someone’s “untimely” death).  I believe the information comes from sources outside of myself – I’m not creating it from nothing, I’m not hallucinating.  I believe that this sensitivity of mine is a gift God gave me so I can do good things with it – that there is a divine purpose behind my receiving this information.

In trying to understand this sensitivity and to be responsible in its application, I have gathered information from many sources, including the Christian church, “new thought” churches, people who embrace the paranormal and others who openly discredit it.  I am aware that some religious people believe paranormal activity is witchcraft or is of the devil.  I am aware that the majority of psychology professionals believe that it is a manifestation of anxiety that often fades with treatment or that it indicates mental illness.  I am aware that some people seek to be psychic so they can be “special”, as a way to get attention.  I believe that some/most cases of psychic phenomenon fall into one or more of those categories.

I feel I have been very responsible in researching and validating my personal experiences.  I have learned some of my experiences do fall into one or more of the aforementioned categories – and some of my experiences are truly legitimate.  I am still learning to tell the difference.  Part of using my gift responsibly involves developing my ability to tell the difference.

Another part of using my gift responsibly involves learning from others who have made significant progress in developing their gift. In learning from such people, I have been very careful to validate what they are teaching.  Sometimes their information has a “ring of truth” for me and sometimes not.  I don’t blindly accept what I am told, not even the stuff that initially feels valid in my gut – I test it and confirm it with additional research.

As you can imagine, I learned at a young age that most people respond negatively to any mention of my having paranormal experiences and that it is much safer to just keep the topic out of my conversations.  When you and I started working together, I dared to hope that I could include my experiences in our conversations.  However, I knew from the beginning the chance of that was small, given your religious background and psychology education (double whammy!).  I was (and still am) afraid that you will think there is something very wrong with me if I continue to insist that my experiences are valid and that it will compromise our progress in other areas.

Despite my fears, I decided to take a chance and test the waters.  I shared a few mildly “paranormal” experiences with you and was disappointed in your responses.  For example, you wrote down a number on your clipboard and asked me to “read your mind” . . . when I didn’t know the number, you said it proved I wasn’t clairvoyant.

Now, I know I am clairvoyant and your “test” doesn’t prove otherwise.  That kind of test only deals with one small aspect of clairvoyance – clairvoyance can be manifested in a vast multitude of ways.  And, you said that the test was suppose to prove that I couldn’t read minds – I never said I could read minds (and I can’t) – reading minds and being clairvoyant are two very different abilities – I don’t even know of any sensitives who claim to read minds – that seems to be associated only with people who are pretending to perform magic on stage.

Your “test” left me feeling that you don’t have a good understanding of the matter and that you don’t want to develop an understanding because you believe the whole thing is hogwash.  (Of course, I acknowledge that I could be just a tiny bit over-reactive and assumptive because of a lifetime of receiving such feedback from most people.)

In most situations, when I run into someone who doesn’t think paranormal experiences are legitimate, I deal with it by avoiding the topic – I don’t feel a need to change people’s minds about the matter and I don’t want to deal with people who are ignorant on the matter and who are trying to change my mind.

So, in our sessions, I have been making an effort to skip over any discussions of these experiences in order to avoid conflict between you and me (and so it is less likely you will think I’m totally loony), even though these experiences impact my life on a regular basis.  My justification for avoiding the topic is that my disclosing these experiences is not critical to the accomplishment of our therapy goals.

However, the following experiences are appreciably “paranormal” and have been critical to my spiritual journey.  If you want me to document my spiritual journey, I necessarily have to include these experiences.  I simply will take the stance that my experience is my experience and it is valid, and that we may have to agree to disagree on what is “real”.

[Continued in the next post . . . ]


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