Posted by: Marie | January 21, 2009

(3) Coming out of the trees

Post #3
[Editorial note about the fall of 2007]

In August of 2007, I found some relatively steady work – an entry-level job, but nevertheless a good job – and began rebuilding financially.

In September of 2007, I rented a cozy suite of rooms from a friend (Doug) and established a “nest” for myself. I joined the mastermind group (an accountability group of sorts) that met in Doug’s home. I started thinking about more than just surviving – I began thinking about how to make my presence on this earth really count.

In November of 2007, I published and distributed a “business plan for my life” to the mastermind group. It detailed my plan for moving forward. Here are some excerpts from that business plan:

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The vision I hold for myself is:

I create space for restoration, humor and education.

I deeply connect with extraordinary people and communities.

I wisely spend my time, energy and money, using them to support what is truly important to me.

When I was a kid, I overheard my mother, on many occasions, tell people “Marie marches to a different drummer”. With that idiom, she gave me language for what I was experiencing. I knew that I felt a very strong pull, on a spiritual level, towards an unknown destination, an undefined mission. I felt compelled to walk towards whatever was pulling me.

Adults often remarked to me that my behavior was unusual for a child – and I could see it as well. It wasn’t difficult for me to recognize that my behavior was different from my friends’ behavior. I understood why they behaved as they did – they were behaving normally. I also understood that I behaved the way I did because of this strong pull I felt – the pull of my “mission” was stronger than my desire to be “normal”. I was aware that my friends did not feel the same pull that I felt.

I liked how my mother described it – that I heard, and followed, a different drummer – a different drumbeat. That made sense to me.

As an adult, I still hear that drumbeat. It acts as a beacon for me. As I make day-to-day decisions, I can feel which of my options are in alignment with that magnetic pull, and which are not. It is the “north pole” for my internal compass.

However, I don’t know where I am going. I don’t know what is pulling me. My mission is still undefined.

I feel like I am walking through a thick forest and I don’t know where I’m heading, I only know to follow the compass. I believe someday I will come out of the trees and into a clearing. I believe that, when I enter the clearing, I will finally know my primary life’s calling. Until then, I have to walk in faith.

I feel that my life’s work has something to do with public speaking and writing. I am clear that I am supposed to continue developing those skills. That is all I know for now.

I believe my life’s calling has not been revealed to me because I am not ready to know it. I feel I have other, more fundamental lessons to learn first. That is keeping me sufficiently busy for now. I don’t need to concern myself about what is coming farther down the path until I get there.


Responses

  1. It feels to me like that you are in the clearing now – or at least in sight of it. And I may be completely wrong.


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