Archives – Page 1
Journal entries dated pre-2007 to July 16, 2008
(Posts dated 01/18/09 to 04/20/09)
————————————————————————- 2001-2006 April 30, 2007 Fall of 2007 *************** STARTED THERAPY WITH THERAPIST #1 (MARK) *************** February 19, 2008 February 26, 2008 March 2, 2008 March 6, 2008 March 12, 2008 March 15, 2008 – Part 1 March 15, 2008 – Part 2 March 27, 2008 March 31, 2008 April 6, 2008 April 8, 2008 – Part 1 April 8, 2008 – Part 2 April 8, 2008 – Part 3 April 8, 2008 – Part 4 April 8, 2008 – Part 5 April 8, 2008 – Part 6 April 8, 2008 – Part 7 April 8, 2008 – Part 8 April 8, 2008 – Part 9 April 10, 2008 April 13, 2008 April 15, 2008 April 16, 2008 April 19, 2008 April 20, 2008 April 21, 2008 April 22, 2008 – 10pm April 22, 2008 – 11pm April 23, 2008 April 27, 2008 May 4, 2008 May 11, 2008 May 18, 2008 May 27, 2008 June 1, 2008 – Part 1 June 1, 2008 – Part 2 – June 15, 2008 June 18, 2008 – – June 29, 2008 July 4, 2008 July 7, 2008 July 9, 2008 July 15, 2008 July 16, 2008 ————————————————————————-
(Posted to the blog on 1/18/09)
Divinely-orchestrated personal “boot camp”: A bit of history
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(Posted to the blog on 1/19/09)
Please fall in love with me: One bad night
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(Posted to the blog on 1/21/09)
Coming out of the trees: The business plan for my life
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(Posted to the blog on 1/22/09)
Why can’t I stick with my plans . . . ??: I decide to go to therapy
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(Posted to the blog on 1/23/09)
What I see in the mirror: Homework assignment
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(Posted to the blog on 1/24/09)
Shameful parts are deeply hidden away: My deepest shame (confession to my T); Setting a boundary on touch
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(Posted to the blog on 1/27/09)
I feel dirty: More on my deepest shame
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(Posted to the blog on 1/29/09)
Tapes that run inside my head: Homework
assignment
(Posted to the blog on 1/30/09)
I need a large personal space: Amendment to the touch boundary
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(Posted to the blog on 2/1/09)
Was he going to kill me?: Triggered — memories of an assault
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(Posted to the blog on 2/5/09)
My ability to affect men: Does T want me to continue as a client? My sexuality; Being a mistress; Self-sabotage
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(Posted to the blog on 2/8/09)
God might be disappointed: Fear of success; Is there value in “being” or only value in “doing”?
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(Posted to the blog on 2/9/09)
Too gross to be seen in public: Triggered by clothes shopping
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(Posted to the blog on 2/11/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 1: Raised with very conservative Christian beliefs; Had paranormal premonitions of other people’s deaths; Went to a Christian college
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(Posted to the blog on 2/13/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 2: Worked as a pastoral intern; Became disillusioned with organized religion
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(Posted to the blog on 2/16/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 3: Left the church; Developed my own spiritual belief structure; Had an abortion; Got married and divorced
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(Posted to the blog on 2/18/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 4: Addressing the conflict between my own paranormal experiences and my T’s religious beliefs
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(Posted to the blog on 2/20/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 5: Started meeting people with similar belief structures
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(Posted to the blog on 2/22/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 6: How I
resolved, for myself, the conflict among
different religious/spiritual belief structures
(Posted to the blog on 2/24/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 7: Met a family dealing with the aftermath of a demonic possession; Struggled to find a church home
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(Posted to the blog on 2/26/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 8: Finally found a church home; Struggled with fear about my financial status
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(Posted to the blog on 3/1/09)
My spiritual journey – Part 9: Trying to explain the mechanics of my own paranormal abilities
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(Posted to the blog on 3/4/09)
Was I was abused but don’t remember?: First inklings surface that I may have been molested
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(Posted to the blog on 3/6/09)
Dark side vs. light side: Torn between moving forward and being stuck
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(Posted to the blog on 3/8/09)
Yes, something significant happened: Yes, something significant happened to me as a kid, but what?
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(Posted to the blog on 3/9/09)
The flashbacks begin: The memories start flooding in
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(Posted to the blog on 3/10/09)
Who had hands like that?: I remember more details
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(Posted to the blog on 3/11/09)
The entire collection of evidence: Am I making this up or is it for real?
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(Posted to the blog on 3/12/09)
Another piece of the puzzle: More pieces to the puzzle
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(Posted to the blog on 3/13/09)
I hate my dependence upon you: Major meltdown
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(Posted to the blog on 3/14/09)
My truth just got swept away: I’m terrified of losing my shelter in this storm
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(Posted to the blog on 3/15/09)
Beating up myself: Should I leave therapy? No way I’m apologizing for lying as a kid to protect myself
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(Posted to the blog on 3/18/09)
I was totally unprepared: I’m willing to take steps to keep myself safe
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(Posted to the blog on 3/19/09)
Secrecy vs. privacy: Maybe I won’t tell you everything
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(Posted to the blog on 3/22/09)
The loss of innocence: Disclosing too much too soon; Sadness; Healthy sexual fantasies
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(Posted to the blog on 3/25/09)
Shutting down the emotions: Conflicts between “doing” and “being”
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(Posted to the blog on 3/27/09)
Allowing the memories to come: Fear
about role-playing; More memories come to
the surface
(Posted to the blog on 3/30/09)
The sexual pleasure I experienced: Still fearful about role-playing; Remembering the shameful pleasure
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(Posted to the blog on 4/2/09)
It is easier to not touch: Fear about touch and expressing explosive emotions
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June 11, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 4/5/09)
Can you fill in the blanks?: Email to my childhood pastor
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(Posted to the blog on 4/7/09)
A trapped tiger: Ponderings about healthy expression of emotion
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(Posted to the blog on 4/10/09)
No known problems: Email from my childhood pastor
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June 22, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 4/11/09)
This is a good place: Positive shifts in my thinking
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June 26, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 4/13/09)
Lashing out in anger: I have a need to be violently expressive in a safe way
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(Posted to the blog on 4/14/09)
Stuck in an angry place: Physically frozen
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(Posted to the blog on 4/15/09)
Did you molest me?: Letter to “X” – did you molest me?
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(Posted to the blog on 4/17/09)
I wanted to be frightful: I wish I could physically act out what I’m feeling inside
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(Posted to the blog on 4/18/09)
The accused responds: “X” responds to my letter
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(Posted to the blog on 4/19/09)
Feeling stuck and angry: I’m stuck and can’t do this anymore
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(Posted to the blog on 4/20/09)
I detect bullshit: Accusation — you’re
bullshitting me!
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