The following blog posts all touch on the topic of touch, including my aversion to touch:
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March 2, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 1/24/09)
Shameful parts are deeply hidden away: My deepest shame (confession to my T); Setting a boundary on touch
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March 6, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 1/27/09)
I feel dirty: More on my deepest shame
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March 15, 2008 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 1/30/09)
I need a large personal space: Amendment to the touch boundary
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March 27, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 2/5/09)
My ability to affect men: Does T want me to continue as a client? My sexuality; Being a mistress; Self-sabotage
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April 10, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 3/4/09)
Was I was abused but don’t remember?: First inklings surface that I may have been molested
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May 27, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 3/27/09)
Allowing the memories to come: Fear about role-playing; More memories come to the surface
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June 1, 2008 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 4/2/09)
It is easier to not touch: Fear about touch and expressing explosive emotions
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June 15, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 4/7/09)
A trapped tiger: Ponderings about healthy expression of emotion
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October 26, 2008 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 5/28/09)
So much drama – Part 1: I feel isolated and unable to connect with community; Attending church has been painful; I’m confused about my sexual orientation
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October 26, 2008 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 5/31/09)
So much drama – Part 2: I’m confused about my gender identity; Connecting with people is challenging; My addiction to degrading porn causes me to feel disgusting
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October 28, 2008 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/2/09)
An end to therapy – Part 1: I find T’s physical contact during our session to be healing; T brings his religious beliefs into the session again and that’s a deal-breaker for me
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October 29, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 6/11/09)
Keeping the door open: I say good-bye to my T
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January 11, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 6/18/09)
Reprogramming my arousal: I am not my history
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March 15, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 7/17/09)
Borderline cluelessness: I believe I could have borderline personality disorder; I question my T’s ability to handle my case
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March 28, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 7/29/09)
Saving me from myself: I am able to keep myself safe despite being tempted by the lure of destructive habits
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April 2, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/3/09)
Fear during physical activity: I struggle with being triggered by weight training exercise
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May 5, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/23/09)
Safety in surprising places: I’m starting to associate safety with real-life men, not just fantasy men
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May 24, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/24/09)
Getting to the root cause: Guess what?!? I’m a control freak!
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May 26, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/29/09)
Healing is possible: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – introduction to the book
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June 3, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 9/9/09)
Confused sexuality: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – sexuality
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June 15-17, 2009 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 9/15/09)
Lasting effects – Part 2: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – non-sexual relationships, physical touch
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June 15-17, 2009 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 9/17/09)
Lasting effects – Part 3: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – physical touch
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June 15-17, 2009 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 9/19/09)
Lasting effects – Part 4: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – physical touch, feeling safe during physical activities
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June 15-17, 2009 – Part 5
(Posted to the blog on 9/21/09)
Lasting effects – Part 5: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – sexuality, compulsive behaviors
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June 27, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/18/09)
Just a floating head: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – leaving your body and other forms of escape
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June 29, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/20/09)
A step into the world of autism: My piano student’s way of interacting through touch challenges my comfort zone
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June 30, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/22/09)
A cruel blast of cold air: A dream reveals some hidden yet-to-be-defined emotional trauma
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July 3, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/24/09)
At my own pace: Entertaining fantasies in which I am the one initiating touch
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July 8, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/29/09)
Keeping to myself: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – intimacy, religion, sex
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July 12, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 11/9/09)
Hidden memories: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – the experience of remembering
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July 18, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 11/18/09)
It all makes sense: More memories surface; I’m starting to get my arms around my parents’ role in the trauma
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August 2, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/17/09)
A legitimate excuse: My reason for hanging onto fear, paralysis and panic
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August 8, 2009 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 12/29/09)
Little moments – Part 2: It feels like I have a heart-to-heart connection with my little piano student
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August 16, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/30/09)
A squeeze machine: A local author writes about a device she uses to relieve anxiety
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August 19, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/31/09)
Shame bad shame bad shame: Panic that I might be corrupting a little boy
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August 20, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/1/10)
Jumbo tools of sex: My sexuality is broken and I’m disconnected from my gender
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READER INPUT
(Posted to the blog on 1/6/10)
Reader Input – What comes first? How healed is “healed enough” for being in a healthy relationship?
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October 12, 2009 (midday)
(Posted to the blog on 1/31/10)
A sense of badness: Can I contaminate my students just by being around them?
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October 12, 2009 (9pm)
(Posted to the blog on 2/1/10)
Maybe the good outweighs the bad: Maybe there is good in my students witnessing my progressive healing
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October 13, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/2/10)
A big empty ache: A hug from my ex-therapist has a strong effect on me
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October 23, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/8/10)
The meaning behind a touch: I avoid all touch with people because I fear they will think I’m coming on to them
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November 2, 2009 – 3am
(Posted to the blog on 2/12/10)
How innocent am I really? A memory about a time I may have acted out sexually as a child
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SPOTLIGHT
(Posted to the blog on 2/17/10)
Spotlight – A Surprisingly Sane Blog: Spotlight on a great blog
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November 15, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/26/10)
Stabbing pain: Remembering a gynecology appointment that left me feeling violated
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November 17, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/1/10)
He has kind eyes: I want to be in touch with my femininity
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November 29, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/11/10)
I need it for me: My need for safety influences my piano studio policy
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December 1, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/15/10)
Doing my part: Healing my beliefs about men requires daily choosing
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December 4, 2009 (noon)
(Posted to the blog on 3/23/10)
But my gut says yes: My gut tells me I need to finish the unfinished business I have with Mark
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December 4, 2009 (10pm)
(Posted to the blog on 3/24/10)
Reaching for connection: I ask Mark if he is willing to take me as a client again
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December 5, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/25/10)
Counting the moments: Waiting for Mark’s response is tough
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January 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/20/10)
An exercise in touch: My plan for a therapeutic exercise
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January 3, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/22/10)
A perfect partner: Is my therapist a good fit for me?
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January 4, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/23/10)
Uncomfortable stimuli: Ways I can respond to triggering situations
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January 5, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 4/26/10)
Something I must do – Part 1: I’m not ready to give up hope on my ability to be in an emotionally intimate relationship
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January 5, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 4/27/10)
Something I must do – Part 2: I’m still angry at Mark
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January 5, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 4/28/10)
Something I must do – Part 3: The delicate balance between feeling safe and being challenged
January 6, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/29/10)
Desperate cravings: Searching for a sense of self
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January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 5/5/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 2: An uncomfortable mirror exercise
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January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 5/6/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 3: A touch exercise triggers a strong body memory
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January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 5/7/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 4: The session leaves me with mixed feelings and a bit of confusion
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January 7, 2010 – 10pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/10/10)
Desire for solace: Will I be able to preserve the sanctity and solace of my studio?
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January 8, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/11/10)
The old compliance thing: I give myself permission to walk away, if needed
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January 9, 2010 – morning
(Posted to the blog on 5/13/10)
Self-chatter marathon: Maybe I left my body during the mirror exercise
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January 12, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/19/10)
A need to be believed: When I say that the pain is “that bad”, I want people to believe that I’m not exaggerating
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January 21, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 6/8/10)
Session deux – Part 3: Questioning what it means to dissociate
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January 22, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/10/10)
Sorting through it all – Part 1: Is it a deal-breaker that my therapist doesn’t believe me?
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February 4, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/24/10)
Session trois – Part 2: Telling the truth and being believed — or not
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February 5, 2010 – noon – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/29/10)
Unlocking the mystery – Part 1: When I get triggered, I lock up
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February 17, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 7/23/10)
Giving language to my terror: I’m finally able to document my dream about rape
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February 27, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 8/2/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 1: The ways in which Mark responded to my script
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February 27, 2010 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 8/5/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 4: Complaints about my relationships
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March 4, 2010 – noon – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 8/13/10)
He leads the way – Part 2: The role men could play in my healing
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