The following blog posts all touch on the topic of my non-sexual experiences with men:
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February 19, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 1/22/09)
Why can’t I stick with my plans . . . ??: I decide to go to therapy
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March 12, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 1/29/09)
Tapes that run inside my head: Homework assignment
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March 15, 2008 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 1/30/09)
I need a large personal space: Amendment to the touch boundary
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March 27, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 2/5/09)
My ability to affect men: Does T want me to continue as a client? My sexuality; Being a mistress; Self-sabotage
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April 22, 2008 – 10pm
(Posted to the blog on 3/13/09)
I hate my dependence upon you: Major meltdown
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April 22, 2008 – 11pm
(Posted to the blog on 3/14/09)
My truth just got swept away: I’m terrified of losing my shelter in this storm
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May 18, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 3/25/09)
Shutting down the emotions: Conflicts between “doing” and “being”
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June 1, 2008 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 4/2/09)
It is easier to not touch: Fear about touch and expressing explosive emotions
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July 22, 2008 – morning
(Posted to the blog on 4/26/09)
His fault or mine?: T says — I’m still here for you
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July 22, 2008 – afternoon
(Posted to the blog on 4/27/09)
Apology in my heart: I say — Thank you for continuing to show up for me
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July 27, 2008 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 4/29/09)
What I expect of my therapist: Getting clearer about my complaints
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August 6, 2008 – 9am
(Posted to the blog on 5/7/09)
Disrespected in therapy: I say to T — you disrespected me and my spiritual beliefs
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August 7, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 5/8/09)
Perceived or real attack?: T responds — Your fear and anger have nothing to do with me; I’m still here for you
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August 2008
(Posted to the blog on 5/14/09)
Truth is not always absolute: I finally understand why I am so triggered by the conflict
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August 25, 2008 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 5/16/09)
Setting boundaries – Part 1: I tell T — I apologize for my part; I acknowledge you for the way you have shown up so far
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August 25, 2008 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 5/17/09)
Setting boundaries – Part 2: I set a boundary with T — Stop means stop
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August 25, 2008 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 5/18/09)
Setting boundaries – Part 3: I set a boundary with T — I need you to keep track of key facts about me and my life
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August 25, 2008 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 5/19/09)
Setting boundaries – Part 4: I set a boundary with T — I need for us to create a plan of action for my therapy
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August 25, 2008 – Part 5
(Posted to the blog on 5/20/09)
Setting boundaries – Part 5: I set a boundary with T — I need for you to keep your religious beliefs out of my therapy
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October 13, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 5/27/09)
The impact of my words: I’m feeling better but I need a break from the emotional rollercoaster; I’m prepared to examine my role in our time of conflict
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October 26, 2008 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 5/28/09)
So much drama – Part 1: I feel isolated and unable to connect with community; Attending church has been painful; I’m confused about my sexual orientation
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October 28, 2008 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/2/09)
An end to therapy – Part 1: I find T’s physical contact during our session to be healing; T brings his religious beliefs into the session again and that’s a deal-breaker for me
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October 28, 2008 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/6/09)
An end to therapy – Part 2: I fully understand why T is so compelled to try to change my spiritual beliefs; nevertheless, I’m ending our therapeutic relationship
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October 29, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 6/11/09)
Keeping the door open: I say good-bye to my T
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January 14, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 6/20/09)
He doesn’t get it: I follow-up with T on how our therapy ended
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March 30, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/1/09)
My knight in shining armor?: A handsome man is showing romantic interest in me
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READER INPUT
(Posted to the blog on 8/5/09)
Reader Input – Relationships: Why be in a relationship?
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April 4, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/9/09)
Being realistic or cynical?: My new beau leaves me high and dry
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April 18, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/20/09)
Peace out, man: I turn my anger in onto myself
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May 5, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/23/09)
Safety in surprising places: I’m starting to associate safety with real-life men, not just fantasy men
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June 2, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 9/8/09)
Trust in intimacy: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – intimacy
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June 15-17, 2009 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 9/13/09)
Lasting effects – Part 1: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – sexual/romantic relationships
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June 15-17, 2009 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 9/15/09)
Lasting effects – Part 2: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – non-sexual relationships, physical touch
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June 15-17, 2009 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 9/17/09)
Lasting effects – Part 3: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – physical touch
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June 15-17, 2009 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 9/19/09)
Lasting effects – Part 4: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – physical touch, feeling safe during physical activities
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June 24, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/14/09)
It’s easier to forget: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – forgetting it happened, splitting into all good or all bad
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July 3, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/24/09)
At my own pace: Entertaining fantasies in which I am the one initiating touch
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July 8, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/29/09)
Keeping to myself: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – intimacy, religion, sex
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August 5, 2009 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 12/21/09)
All about community – Part 2: A humorous opportunity for neighbors to help neighbors
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READER INPUT
(Posted to the blog on 1/6/10)
Reader Input – What comes first? How healed is “healed enough” for being in a healthy relationship?
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September 6, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/11/10)
It pays to talk: I resolve a major conflict with one of my housemates
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September 18, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/15/10)
Male attention: Someone catches my interest
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September 23, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/19/10)
Keeping it aboveboard: Can I behave myself with a married man?
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September 24, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/20/10)
The million-dollar question: Why am I willing to participate in questionable relationships?
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September 25, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/22/10)
And now I am here: Do people value me?
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September 29, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/27/10)
Another step out of hiding: Teaching a class on blogging
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October 13, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/2/10)
A big empty ache: A hug from my ex-therapist has a strong effect on me
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October 24, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/9/10)
Keeping promises: Anger about people not keeping their promises to me
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November 2, 2009 – 6pm
(Posted to the blog on 2/15/10)
Bending over and . . . Things with my housemates get really bad
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November 3, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/16/10)
Just don’t tear it down! I’m not asking people to do my work for me, I just want them to support me as I’m trying to make progress
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SPOTLIGHT
(Posted to the blog on 2/17/10)
Spotlight – A Surprisingly Sane Blog: Spotlight on a great blog
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November 4, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/18/10)
Repeat performances: How can I feel safe when I’m always fighting to protect my boundaries
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December 1, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/15/10)
Doing my part: Healing my beliefs about men requires daily choosing
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December 3, 2009 (9pm)
(Posted to the blog on 3/22/10)
Uncertain choices: Should I reconnect with Mark (therapist #1)?
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December 4, 2009 (noon)
(Posted to the blog on 3/23/10)
But my gut says yes: My gut tells me I need to finish the unfinished business I have with Mark
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December 4, 2009 (10pm)
(Posted to the blog on 3/24/10)
Reaching for connection: I ask Mark if he is willing to take me as a client again
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December 5, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/25/10)
Counting the moments: Waiting for Mark’s response is tough
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December 8, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/30/10)
No harm, no foul: Mark says he is willing to work with me again
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December 9, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/31/10)
A day for roaring: Hearing from Mark raises my spirits
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January 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/20/10)
An exercise in touch: My plan for a therapeutic exercise
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January 3, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/22/10)
A perfect partner: Is my therapist a good fit for me?
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January 4, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/23/10)
Uncomfortable stimuli: Ways I can respond to triggering situations
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January 5, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 4/26/10)
Something I must do – Part 1: I’m not ready to give up hope on my ability to be in an emotionally intimate relationship
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January 5, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 4/27/10)
Something I must do – Part 2: I’m still angry at Mark
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January 5, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 4/28/10)
Something I must do – Part 3: The delicate balance between feeling safe and being challenged
January 6, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/29/10)
Desperate cravings: Searching for a sense of self
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January 7, 2010 – 5am
(Posted to the blog on 4/30/10)
Secrets won’t be secret anymore: A dream about finally getting to tell my story
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January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 5/4/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 1: Trying to get Mark to acknowledge his part in our conflict
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January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 5/5/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 2: An uncomfortable mirror exercise
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January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 5/6/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 3: A touch exercise triggers a strong body memory
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January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 5/7/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 4: The session leaves me with mixed feelings and a bit of confusion
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January 7, 2010 – 10pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/10/10)
Desire for solace: Will I be able to preserve the sanctity and solace of my studio?
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January 8, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/11/10)
The old compliance thing: I give myself permission to walk away, if needed
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January 9, 2010 – morning
(Posted to the blog on 5/13/10)
Self-chatter marathon: Maybe I left my body during the mirror exercise
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January 9, 2010 – evening
(Posted to the blog on 5/14/10)
Figuring out my own way: I have to accept I won’t ever be understood by Mark
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January 10, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/17/10)
Heavy powerlessness: Struggling to give myself a voice and to find support in my journey
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January 11, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/18/10)
A question of bartering: The wisdom of exchanging piano lessons for therapy sessions
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January 12, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/19/10)
A need to be believed: When I say that the pain is “that bad”, I want people to believe that I’m not exaggerating
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January 17, 2010 – 11am
(Posted to the blog on 5/21/10)
Connecting some dots: Triggered by memories of how my dad disciplined me
January 17, 2010 – 8pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/24/10)
Please stop spinning: Feeling overwhelmed by flashbacks and triggering
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January 18, 2010 – noon
(Posted to the blog on 5/25/10)
Accusations of sabotage: My therapist sends an aggressive email to me
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January 18, 2010 – 1pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/27/10)
An attempt at cleaning it up: Trying to explain how I’m not sabotaging our therapy process
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January 18, 2010 – 2pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/28/10)
Attempts two, three and four: Desperately trying to repair the relationship with my therapist
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January 18, 2010 – 11pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/31/10)
This must be the end: Maybe I’m capable of only attracting assholes
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January 19, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/1/10)
No way in hell – well, maybe: I’ll talk to my therapist only if he apologizes
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January 20, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/3/10)
Resigned to reality: The best I can hope for is to understand his postion
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January 21, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/4/10)
Session deux – Part 1: Rough start to our second therapy session
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January 21, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/7/10)
Session deux – Part 2: Uncovering the reason why my therapist keeps violating the religion boundary
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January 21, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 6/8/10)
Session deux – Part 3: Questioning what it means to dissociate
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January 22, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/10/10)
Sorting through it all – Part 1: Is it a deal-breaker that my therapist doesn’t believe me?
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January 22, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/11/10)
Sorting through it all – Part 2: Anger and apologies
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January 23, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/15/10)
It shouldn’t be this hard: The pros and cons of continuing with Mark
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January 24, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/16/10)
Bits and pieces: Dreams, piano lessons and emotional promiscuity
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January 30, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/18/10)
What I really want: I really want Mark to stop talking and start listening
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February 2, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/21/10)
If only I could trust: Not being heard
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February 4, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/23/10)
Session trois – Part 1: Both Mark and I have tender spots in our psyches
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February 4, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/24/10)
Session trois – Part 2: Telling the truth and being believed — or not
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February 4, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 6/25/10)
Session trois – Part 3: Curtailing unnecessary lectures
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February 4, 2010 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 6/28/10)
Session trois – Part 4: This therapeutic relationship works because of the conflict
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February 5, 2010 – noon – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/29/10)
Unlocking the mystery – Part 1: When I get triggered, I lock up
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February 5, 2010 – noon – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/30/10)
Unlocking the mystery – Part 2: Sometimes my therapist responds to my being triggered with skilled supported, sometimes with less effective ways
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February 5, 2010 – noon – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 7/1/10)
Unlocking the mystery – Part 3: Sometimes my therapist becomes aggressive in response to my being triggered
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February 5, 2010 – 1pm
(Posted to the blog on 7/2/10)
Melting down – 1pm: I realize he is not going to hear me no matter how hard I try to be heard
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February 5, 2010 – 5pm
(Posted to the blog on 7/5/10)
Melting down – 5pm: Maybe I’m beyond help
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February 5, 2010 – 7pm
(Posted to the blog on 7/6/10)
Melting down – 7pm: What if I quit trying to talk to people who aren’t willing to listen?
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February 5, 2010 – 9pm
(Posted to the blog on 7/7/10)
Melting down – 9pm: Most of all, I need to be heard
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February 7, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 7/12/10)
We speak the truth: What it means to hold my parents responsible
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February 15, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 7/14/10)
Hopeful thinking: What if I set aside what I know to be true about men?
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February 16, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 7/16/10)
Finding my voice – Part 1: I’m not blaming my therapist for my lifetime of experiences or all my bottled up emotions
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February 16, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 7/19/10)
Finding my voice – Part 2: My therapist’s behavior is hurtful in a number of ways
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February 16, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 7/20/10)
Finding my voice – Part 3: I need my therapist to be a witness to what I need to say and do without making it about himself
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February 16, 2010 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 7/21/10)
Finding my voice – Part 4: Most of all, I need to be heard
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February 16, 2010 – Part 5
(Posted to the blog on 7/22/10)
Finding my voice – Part 5: All the reasons I keep trying to make it work with Mark
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February 23, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 7/29/10)
Questionable friendship: A friendship with a married man
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February 24, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 7/30/10)
Holding myself accountable: Asking my therapist for support in making wise choices
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February 27, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 8/2/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 1: The ways in which Mark responded to my script
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February 27, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 8/3/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 2: Asking for an apology
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February 27, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 8/4/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 3: A pattern of selecting men who are not emotionally available
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February 27, 2010 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 8/5/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 4: Complaints about my relationships
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February 27, 2010 – Part 5
(Posted to the blog on 8/6/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 5: My family doesn’t support me
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March 2, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 8/10/10)
Letting go of the reins: Allowing my therapist to lead the way
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March 4, 2010 – noon – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 8/12/10)
He leads the way – Part 1: The state of my relationships
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March 4, 2010 – noon – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 8/13/10)
He leads the way – Part 2: The role men could play in my healing
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March 4, 2010 – noon – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 8/16/10)
He leads the way – Part 3: Stupid therapy homework assignments
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March 4, 2010 – 1:00pm
(Posted to the blog on 8/17/10)
Beginning of the end – 1:00pm: Can my best friend kick your ass?
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March 4, 2010 – 1:30pm
(Posted to the blog on 8/18/10)
Beginning of the end – 1:30pm: Mark is a narcissistic, stubborn, prideful, lazy, arrogant son-of-a-bitch – and a really bad therapist
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