Category: anxiety

The following blog posts all touch on the topic of anxiety:

March 31, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 2/8/09)
God might be disappointed: Fear of success; Is there value in “being” or only value in “doing”?

May 18, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 3/25/09)
Shutting down the emotions: Conflicts between “doing” and “being”

June 15, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 4/7/09)
A trapped tiger: Ponderings about healthy expression of emotion

August 3, 2008
(Posted to the blog on 5/3/09)
Self-sabotage rears its head: I’m having mixed success with moving forward; Does God really care about me?

January 11, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 6/18/09)
Reprogramming my arousal: I am not my history

February 10, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 6/25/09)
In search of a way through: Continued difficulty dealing with my emotions motivates me to find another therapist

March 13, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 7/16/09)
Triggered by exercise: I have a meltdown after attempting a simple flexibility exercise

March 20, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 7/25/09)
Anxious dreams: My dreams reflect my feelings of sadness, disappointment and humiliation

April 2, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 8/3/09)
Fear during physical activity: I struggle with being triggered by weight training exercise

May 30, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 9/1/09)
What do I feel?: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – feelings

June 15-17, 2009 – Part 9
(Posted to the blog on 9/30/09)
Lasting effects – Part 9: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – sleep, will to live, expression of emotions

June 18, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/4/09)
Finding my courage: My mom invites me to go whitewater rafting

June 21, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/10/09)
Blessings in disguise – Part 1: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – personal strengths I’ve developed as a result of my history

June 28, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/19/09)
Keeping it all under control: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – extreme organization, chaos, spacing out, hyper-awareness, humor and busyness

June 30, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/22/09)
A cruel blast of cold air: A dream reveals some hidden yet-to-be-defined emotional trauma

July 7, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/28/09)
Choosing numbness over pain: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – mental illness, self-injury, isolation, addictions

July 8, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 10/29/09)
Keeping to myself: Book study – “Courage to Heal” – intimacy, religion, sex

July 17, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 11/17/09)
So close to home: I watch a show about compulsive skin-picking and it hits close to home

July 20, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 11/24/09)
Blame it on the blister: Just hours after completing a glorious hike, I spin out of control into dark self-destruction

July 24, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 11/30/09)
Structure, triggers and other fun stuff: I’m getting triggered by structure, but how can I function without it?

GUEST POST
(Posted to the blog on 12/2/09)
Guest Post by Evan Hadkins: Need for extreme control over my environment

READER INPUT
(Posted to the blog on 12/4/09)
Reader Input – Nose dives: Discussion on the causes and prevention of emotional nose dives

July 28, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/10/09)
Gentle vibrations: I find peaceful rest by embracing emotions instead of fighting them

July 30, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/11/09)
A possible paradigm shift: My self-destructive behaviors are starting to abate

August 1, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/15/09)
Where is God in all of this?: Can I depend on God to meet my needs?

August 2, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/17/09)
A legitimate excuse: My reason for hanging onto fear, paralysis and panic

August 6, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/24/09)
Turning loose of control: I start finding balance between being a white-knuckled control freak and a structure-less jelly fish

August 16, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 12/30/09)
A squeeze machine: A local author writes about a device she uses to relieve anxiety

August 20, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/1/10)
Jumbo tools of sex: My sexuality is broken and I’m disconnected from my gender

GUEST POST
(Posted to the blog on 1/13/10)
Guest Post: Dangers of Meditation: Meditation can be beneficial for post-trauma healing

September 15, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/14/10)
Enough work and worry: Slacking off is permissible

September 27, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/26/10)
I am a musician: I start seeing myself in a new light

October 8, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 1/29/10)
A non-productive cycle: A coach helps me look at a productivity issue

October 12, 2009 (midday)
(Posted to the blog on 1/31/10)
A sense of badness: Can I contaminate my students just by being around them?

October 12, 2009 (9pm)
(Posted to the blog on 2/1/10)
Maybe the good outweighs the bad: Maybe there is good in my students witnessing my progressive healing

October 23, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/8/10)
The meaning behind a touch: I avoid all touch with people because I fear they will think I’m coming on to them

GUEST POST
(Posted to the blog on 2/10/10)
Guest Post – PTSD (Power) Balance: Finding balance by feeding your joy

October 25, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/11/10)
Honest but selfish: I don’t fault my ex-husband for being honest

November 2, 2009 – 3am
(Posted to the blog on 2/12/10)
How innocent am I really? A memory about a time I may have acted out sexually as a child

SPOTLIGHT
(Posted to the blog on 2/17/10)
Spotlight – A Surprisingly Sane Blog: Spotlight on a great blog

November 6, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/19/10)
Five steps backward: Stuck in depression, not wanting to continue living

November 7, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/22/10)
Words from cooler heads: Posts from other blogs that look at suicide and perfectionism

READER INPUT
(Posted to the blog on 2/24/10)
Reader Input – Asking for apologies: When is it appropriate to ask someone to apologize?

November 15, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 2/26/10)
Stabbing pain: Remembering a gynecology appointment that left me feeling violated

November 17, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/1/10)
He has kind eyes: I want to be in touch with my femininity

November 27, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/9/10)
Finding middle ground: Having trouble getting out of bed

November 29, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/11/10)
I need it for me: My need for safety influences my piano studio policy

December 2, 2009 (8pm)
(Posted to the blog on 3/18/10)
Comforting the scared ones: Speaking compassionately to the scared parts of me

December 3, 2009 (2pm)
(Posted to the blog on 3/19/10)
The self-propelling piano: It seems I’m stuck with a not-so-great electric piano for my mini-concert

December 5, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/25/10)
Counting the moments: Waiting for Mark’s response is tough

December 6, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/26/10)
My tail is spinning: All the pressures come crashing in at once

December 7, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 3/29/10)
Finding a bit of stability: Playing the piano brings a bit of relief

READER INPUT
(Posted to the blog on 4/1/10)
Reader Input – Who are you? How do you go about learning the “real deal” about yourself or someone else?

December 13, 2009
(Posted to the blog on 4/2/10)
Just in the nick of time: Phew, I don’t have to perform a concert all by myself

December 14, 2009 – 11am
(Posted to the blog on 4/5/10)
I can’t even crack a joke: Wait, no . . . I do have to perform for the full 30 minutes . . . this is not good

December 14, 2009 – 8pm
(Posted to the blog on 4/6/10)
You can lay the blame on me: Wait, no . . . I’m not performing at all . . . whew!

January 1, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/20/10)
An exercise in touch: My plan for a therapeutic exercise

January 3, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/22/10)
A perfect partner: Is my therapist a good fit for me?

January 4, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/23/10)
Uncomfortable stimuli: Ways I can respond to triggering situations

January 5, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 4/26/10)
Something I must do – Part 1: I’m not ready to give up hope on my ability to be in an emotionally intimate relationship

January 5, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 4/27/10)
Something I must do – Part 2: I’m still angry at Mark

January 5, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 4/28/10)
Something I must do – Part 3: The delicate balance between feeling safe and being challenged

January 6, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 4/29/10)
Desperate cravings: Searching for a sense of self

January 7, 2010 – 5am
(Posted to the blog on 4/30/10)
Secrets won’t be secret anymore: A dream about finally getting to tell my story

GUEST POST
(Posted to the blog on 5/3/10)
Guest Post – The Guilt Sentinel: The painful coping mechanism of guilt

January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 5/4/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 1: Trying to get Mark to acknowledge his part in our conflict

January 7, 2010 – 3pm – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 5/5/10)
This day finally arrived – Part 2: An uncomfortable mirror exercise

January 8, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/11/10)
The old compliance thing: I give myself permission to walk away, if needed

January 9, 2010 – morning
(Posted to the blog on 5/13/10)
Self-chatter marathon: Maybe I left my body during the mirror exercise

January 10, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 5/17/10)
Heavy powerlessness: Struggling to give myself a voice and to find support in my journey

January 17, 2010 – 11am
(Posted to the blog on 5/21/10)
Connecting some dots: Triggered by memories of how my dad disciplined me

January 17, 2010 – 8pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/24/10)
Please stop spinning: Feeling overwhelmed by flashbacks and triggering

January 18, 2010 – 1pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/27/10)
An attempt at cleaning it up: Trying to explain how I’m not sabotaging our therapy process

January 18, 2010 – 2pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/28/10)
Attempts two, three and four: Desperately trying to repair the relationship with my therapist

January 18, 2010 – 11pm
(Posted to the blog on 5/31/10)
This must be the end: Maybe I’m capable of only attracting assholes

January 19, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/1/10)
No way in hell – well, maybe: I’ll talk to my therapist only if he apologizes

January 20, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/3/10)
Resigned to reality: The best I can hope for is to understand his postion

January 21, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/4/10)
Session deux – Part 1: Rough start to our second therapy session

January 21, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/7/10)
Session deux – Part 2: Uncovering the reason why my therapist keeps violating the religion boundary

January 21, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 6/8/10)
Session deux – Part 3: Questioning what it means to dissociate

January 22, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/10/10)
Sorting through it all – Part 1: Is it a deal-breaker that my therapist doesn’t believe me?

January 22, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/11/10)
Sorting through it all – Part 2: Anger and apologies

January 24, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/16/10)
Bits and pieces: Dreams, piano lessons and emotional promiscuity

January 30, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/18/10)
What I really want: I really want Mark to stop talking and start listening

February 2, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 6/21/10)
If only I could trust: Not being heard

February 4, 2010 – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/23/10)
Session trois – Part 1: Both Mark and I have tender spots in our psyches

February 4, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/24/10)
Session trois – Part 2: Telling the truth and being believed — or not

February 4, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 6/25/10)
Session trois – Part 3: Curtailing unnecessary lectures

February 4, 2010 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 6/28/10)
Session trois – Part 4: This therapeutic relationship works because of the conflict

February 5, 2010 – noon – Part 1
(Posted to the blog on 6/29/10)
Unlocking the mystery – Part 1: When I get triggered, I lock up

February 5, 2010 – noon – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 6/30/10)
Unlocking the mystery – Part 2: Sometimes my therapist responds to my being triggered with skilled supported, sometimes with less effective ways

February 5, 2010 – noon – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 7/1/10)
Unlocking the mystery – Part 3: Sometimes my therapist becomes aggressive in response to my being triggered

February 5, 2010 – 1pm
(Posted to the blog on 7/2/10)
Melting down – 1pm: I realize he is not going to hear me no matter how hard I try to be heard

February 5, 2010 – 5pm
(Posted to the blog on 7/5/10)
Melting down – 5pm: Maybe I’m beyond help

February 6, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 7/9/10)
The meltdown exposes gold: I feel a physical and spiritual shift in my body

February 7, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 7/12/10)
We speak the truth: What it means to hold my parents responsible

February 16, 2010 – Part 2
(Posted to the blog on 7/19/10)
Finding my voice – Part 2: My therapist’s behavior is hurtful in a number of ways

February 16, 2010 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 7/21/10)
Finding my voice – Part 4: Most of all, I need to be heard

February 27, 2010 – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 8/4/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 3: A pattern of selecting men who are not emotionally available

February 27, 2010 – Part 4
(Posted to the blog on 8/5/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 4: Complaints about my relationships

February 27, 2010 – Part 5
(Posted to the blog on 8/6/10)
Truth keeps flowing – Part 5: My family doesn’t support me

SPOTLIGHT
(Posted to the blog on 8/9/10)
Spotlight: The Gallows Pole: Spotlight on a great blog

March 3, 2010
(Posted to the blog on 8/11/10)
Neurotic enabling: Trying to understand neurotic behavior inevitably fosters enabling

March 4, 2010 – noon – Part 3
(Posted to the blog on 8/16/10)
He leads the way – Part 3: Stupid therapy homework assignments

March 4, 2010 – 1:30pm
(Posted to the blog on 8/18/10)
Beginning of the end – 1:30pm: Mark is a narcissistic, stubborn, prideful, lazy, arrogant son-of-a-bitch – and a really bad therapist

March 4, 2010 – 2:30pm
(Posted to the blog on 8/20/10)
Beginning of the end – 2:30pm: Starting the search for a new therapist

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