Posted by: Marie | December 1, 2013

(893) Not such a big deal after all

Post #893
[Private journal entry written on Monday, July 16, 2012]

I saw something interesting on TV this week . . . there was a guest on a talk show who had been abused as a kid. He said that until he learned a better way, his anger had been expressed through depression and extreme empathy towards other people . . .

The idea of unexpressed anger turning into depression is not a new concept for me, but the idea of it turning into extreme empathy is . . .

I wonder if that could explain why I cry so easily when I hear other people’s stories or see them experiencing sadness . . .

————–

I had a piano lesson with James a couple of days ago. His daughter was not with him, so I knew that would give me the opportunity to talk to him about the “touch” thing . . .

Interestingly enough, during his lesson, he reached out to touch me on the arm . . . then he caught himself and apologized . . .

After his lesson, we were looking at our respective calendars so we could schedule his next lesson . . . it was the perfect opportunity for me to casually bring it up . . .

Me: By the way, I’m in a very different place now from where I was a year ago when I talked to you about my not feeling overly comfortable with you touching me. At this point, I’m way more comfortable with you . . . and I’m in a better place with touch in general because I’ve been working on that in therapy. So, bottom line, I’m okay now with you touching me . . . if you happen to touch me, you don’t need to apologize.

James: (With relief in his voice) Oh, good . . . because it is my natural proclivity to connect with people through touch . . . as a way to build trust . . . I do it almost without thinking because it is such a natural part of how I interact with people.

Me: Yeah, I’m aware of that. I appreciate your being sensitive to my needs and being willing to do things differently when I needed you to . . . but you don’t have to be so careful about that anymore.

James: Okay, thank you! I’m happy to do that!

I didn’t say anything about capturing the conversation in an email and “cc’ing” his wife because it didn’t seem to be that noteworthy of a conversation. I mean, it was a big deal to me, but it didn’t seem to be such a big deal to him; it was a pretty light-hearted moment.

So, that’s how I handled it.

James actually seemed very relieved . . . like it had really been a challenge for him to remember to not touch me.

I imagine it has been a significant challenge!

————–

Yesterday, I received an email response from George:

Hi Marie – thank you!

I appreciate your links, and I appreciate you being open to exploring with me in front of everyone :)

I’m not at a place to take on learning the piano right now, but soon :)

Hugs !

Love and Abundance,
George Ira Carroll

Today, I responded:

Hi, George -

I wanted to tell you that I’m amazed that you checked out YouTube videos to learn to play . . . and it sounds like you actually were able to gain some valuable knowledge that way and develop some skills that way . . . how amazing and ingenious!

I look forward to hearing from you when you are at a place to take on that adventure! It is wise that you are waiting until you can dedicate regular time and energy to it.

Until later . . .

- Marie

So . . . I guess that’s the end of that . . .

I’m not really wanting to chase anyone right now . . . at least not too much . . . I guess I’ve had enough of that to last for a while . . .

Quotes 803


Responses

  1. It seems like you have come a long way in a year.

    • I have become a lot more comfortable with close proximity and touch with adult men . . . I think back to when I started therapy with Edward . . . if he even as much as shifted his foot a few inches closer to me, it would freak me out . . . it’s a totally different story, now!

      • That’s excellent to hear


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