[Private journal entry written on Tuesday, February 7, 2012]
So . . . one of the families who are hosting “Up With People” people is Jared’s family. His daughter had a lesson yesterday evening and his mom brought her to her lesson . . . and his mom invited me to hang out at their house this week and meet their UWP guests.
I don’t know if she is trying to create a fun experience for me or if she is trying to encourage a friendship with Jared . . . or maybe both . . . but, my schedule is really full this week and I don’t want to spend time in that way . . . I’m going to just let the invitation slide by . . . if Jared wants a friendship, he has to reach out to me, in my space.
Yesterday, I got a response from Edward via email:
I’ve just had a chance to read through your emails.
Thanks for taking the time to share your many rich experiences following our last meeting.
I look forward to our time together on the 15th, and supporting you as you continue your hero’s journey.
And . . . I’ve crafted an uneasy truce with my newly blossoming infatuation with Luke. Instead of beating myself up for being infatuated with him, I’ve decided to give myself credit for having hope. Something must be shifting inside of me . . . how else can I explain my newly developed ability to hope for a relationship with some random guy? Maybe this is a positive sign. Maybe I should allow myself to have this little sliver of hope. Maybe it would be good practice.
So, I’ve given free rein to my infatuation and my fantasies of serendipitous meetings and fateful exchanges . . . and here is the shape my fantasy has taken . . .
I’m fantasizing that I send Luke a pleasant-enough email giving him an update on my plans to acquire a signed copy of his book . . . he sees the link to my website under my email’s salutation . . . he decides he would like to know more about this mystery person named “Marie” . . . he clicks on the link and finds himself at the homepage of my business website . . . he clicks on the “About Marie” link . . . he reads the professionalized version of my life story . . . he sees the paragraph on how I’ve been on a healing journey and have composed some music as part of the healing process . . . he clicks on the link to my “Music from Marie” blog page . . . he listens to the pieces I’ve composed . . . he decides that there must be much more to who I am and he decides he wants a chance to get to know me . . . he exchanges a few emails with me . . . then we get together for coffee . . . maybe he will ask me to compose and record some music for one of his meditation CD’s . . . and that will be the beginning of “happily forever and ever” for us . . .
Only a few small problems with that fantasy . . . I didn’t yet have a paragraph on my “About Marie” page about my healing journey with a link to my music compositions . . . and I didn’t yet have a blog page showcasing my compositions . . .
So, I stayed up a good chunk of the night last night fixing those problems . . . building the internet presence I want to use to catch his attention . . . on the off-chance that fantasy might actually come true . . . I know it won’t, but I want to try to make it come true . . . that’s the craziness of this stuff . . . that is insane thinking . . . but, my infatuation is so out of control that I feel an uncontrollable compulsion to build this yellow brick road for him to follow . . . it’s silly . . . but I skipped sleep in order to do it. And now it is done. All I can do now is hope.
Before I finally went to sleep last night, I sent this email to Sandy (the owner of the art gallery & the host of Luke’s book signing) and to Luke:
Hi, Sandy and Luke -
This is Marie Smith from [my town] (and from the Conscious Business Group).
FYI, I dropped a check in the mail this evening for the purpose of reserving a copy of “A Beautiful World”. I sent it Sandy’s home. So . . . it’s on its way!
The book is for my mom – she is a watercolor artist and will thoroughly enjoy being inspired by the awesome photos! In fact, I was with her this last Saturday and she was saying she was having trouble finding photographs/drawings that she really liked. So, I am tickled to be giving it to her soon. She and I have traveled to Santiago and to Hawaii, so those photos will be of special interest to us.
I am tentatively planning to stop into Luke’s book signing on the 15th around 8:30pm, if all goes as planned that evening. If I don’t make it to the gallery that evening, I’ll arrange with Sandy to pick up the book at a later date.
Thank you to both of you for going out of your way to facilitate this transaction! I look forward to receiving the book!
Marie Smith, Piano Teacher
[business phone number]
[business website link]
Today, Luke responded via email . . .
Thanks, Marie. Hope to see you there!