[Private journal entry written on Friday, June 17, 2011]
I’m feeling a bit more hopeful today . . .
I’ve been laying out my plans for the upcoming school year . . . how I want to spend my time in the next 12 months . . .
Something I added to my plan is to place an ad onto Match.com – and maybe eHarmony – so I can start dating. I targeted the middle of next summer (2012) as the time period I’d like to do that.
That gives me a year to lose weight, stop picking and get my face cleared up, start feeling better and more capable of doing more than just surviving . . .
I don’t know if that is possible. It might be hoping for too much. But, it’s rather fun to consider the possibility.
I’m going to talk to Edward about this at my next session. When I think about talking to him about it, I get very emotional. I don’t want to be that emotional about it when I talk to him – I want to be more factual and clinical about it. It would be too painful to allow myself to feel the emotions around it. The only way I can avoid that pain is if I “hold it out away from me” during the discussion . . . keep it far away from my emotions.
I guess that will be my plan for talking to Edward about it next week.
Yup, that’s my plan.
Anyway . . . I sent an email to Edward today . . .
Hi, Edward -
Just checking in . . .
It’s been a roller coaster ride since our last session . . . swinging back and forth between imagining all kinds of possibilities for pleasure-generating activity and then feeling stuck, frozen and hopeless.
So . . . I have no idea where I’ll be in the pendulum swing, come Monday . . .
Either way, I’m looking forward to meeting with you!
Thanks for the update.
I look forward to seeing you Monday.