Setting boundaries – Part 5 of 5

Post #74
[The script I read to my therapist in a session in order to set some boundaries with him – Monday, August 25, 2008 – continued from the previous post]

“Smaller Issue” #2: Discussion of religious beliefs

Context: In our last session, when you were challenging the congruency of my religious beliefs, your language included phrases such as (and I quote):

- “but that belief can’t be right because the Bible says. . .”

- “your beliefs can’t be valid because you have no documented proof . . .”

- “you are making up your own religion and therefore you consider yourself to be your own god”

Those statements are all true when held up against your belief structure.  However, those statements are inaccurate when held up against my belief structure.  In other words, my beliefs make sense when held up against my belief structure.

I believe . . .

- my beliefs are valid because they are my truth – whether or not they make sense to anyone else is immaterial,

- it is inappropriate for a therapist to detail or promote his religious beliefs in the context of secular therapy,

- if religion is to be discussed in secular therapy, it would be only to resolve conflicts experienced by the client within the client’s own belief structure (not conflicts between the therapist’s beliefs and the client’s beliefs).

When you . . .

- say that my beliefs “can’t be right” or “can’t be valid” or “don’t make sense” because they don’t align with your beliefs . . .

I feel . . .

- disrespected and disappointed.

I want . . .

- you to keep your own beliefs out of my therapy,

- you to recognize that my beliefs are my truth and are therefore valid,

- you to help me resolve any conflicts I have within my own belief structure, independently of your beliefs.

For example, it would be helpful to me to hear words (when applicable) such as, “I am hearing a conflict between what you believed as a child and what you believe now.  What needs to shift in order for that conflict to be resolved?”

Now, if you want to sit down with me and debate religion, I’m happy to do that in a situation where I’m not paying for your time!

Closing

That brings me to the end of my script . . .

Thank you for listening carefully . . .

I am ready for you to take the conversation wherever you choose to take it . . .

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Editorial note: When I finished reading the script (yes, the entire five part script, LOL) to Mark at my August 25th session, he responded very positively. He said that my “way of being” in that moment was the most powerful he had experienced with me yet.

We were able to talk through things and he told me he was clear about my boundaries and would respect them. I felt like I was able to put the conflict behind us and move forward again. It felt like the air was clear between us again.